Singel life...

Where to start... I met my ex husband when I was still at school and moved in with him as soon as it was possible... I have never in my life had a real date! Pathetic I know, but when your young and in love... a movie and pizza at home will satisfy your every dream...lol.

As a result I have decided that now I will try out this whole dating thing, and see what all the fuss is about!

So Mr. met me on a bus... and started jokingly to ask for my number, and me being the trusting person I am, I gave it to him... then he starts asking me out, to go to a local pub, yet again me being the trusting person I am, I agree!!!

So on D-day he comes to pick me up at home... with a John Sina shirt and 3/4 denim on (first clue of things to come) I just smile and we go... on the way there he informs me that two other "girls" would be joining us (second clue). We get there and he starts chatting to all around, OK I think... he is just friendly. But after trying to start a conversation for the 4th time I just gave up... as he was incapable of answering one question without shouting HI! to the person behind me.

Then the two other "girls" arrive and they are both as old or older than my mother!!(third clue)

OK so now what to do... so I start chatting with a friend of his... just chatting! We get along and so the night goes on, with Mr. having a grand time with the "girls" and me talking to his friend about our kids and so on... then the "girls" realise that the clock has struck 10 and they need to be in bed... and low and behold I exist again! Now Mr. gets pissy because I'm chatting with the friend and not him...BTW he knew about my ex, and decided to play the hero. Tells his friend that, boy o boy this girl (meaning me) has had a lot of hurt and he will... ummm there is no word as foul as the one he used... the guy who hurts me!

I get angry and decide to go outside for air, he follows me and tells me how HE will protect me from all men and how great he thinks I am...lol. I told him that I was not looking for a champion just a date... which he was not! I told him to go back inside so I could cool down, when I went back he tells me to get my things he was taking me home! Well OK then, I was more than ready to go home! So he storms out ahead of me and I call him back asking why he was angry when it was me who had to stare at the roof the whole time! Not that I did...lol.

He storms back to me and decided in his drunkenness that me calling him back meant I felt something for him, and tries to stuff his tong down me throat! And grope me!!! So there goes my temper again and the can of coke in my hand goes sailing through the air on its own accord ;-) and makes a nice and satisfying explosion! And now its my turn to storm off ahead of him... he caught up to me at the entrance of my building and professed his undying love to me... told me how he wouldn't want to take my sons fathers place but that he wanted to be there for us! OK so there sweet words... but then miss timing happens again and he thinks this is yet again a good time to try to stuff his tong down my throat! BAD MOVE PAL. And I slammed the door in his face!

So now I ask you... what is the use in dating when you have to date THAT?!? I don't get it, is it because I'm divorced... do men think as a result of me having been with a man before that I'll be easy?!? OK yes so I've been with a man, does that mean I don't want to be treated like the woman I am?!? That I'm a piece of used meat and one more won't matter?!?

Damn I hope not!!! I hope there are still guys out there who know how to treat a woman with respect! Who know that the fact that I have been married only means that I have had a live before meeting them and that it also means that I come with baggage... that in my case has made me insecure, and has lowered my self esteem so much that I almost have none to speak of... But also to know that I might not have much self esteem but I still have allot of self respect!

Just me hoping!!

And the world comes tumbling down

The last few of months have been hell for me!

It seems like the only times I blog is when things turn black... but its a way to get my thoughts out and on paper... if you know what I mean.

My husband told me on the 8 the of august that he is trans gendered and would like to become the woman he thinks he has always been inside!

...OK end the ten minute silence...

My husband is now my soon to be ex and we will remain friends but as you can imagine it has not been a easy time for me. I have had to deal with seeing him in full dress with makeup and though I know the process is a long one I don't think i will ever be ready for it to happen! Michelle(my ex chose this name when he was 10) is a good father and will remain a good parent to Triston, I just hope my son will come through this unharmed (though i don't know if that's realistic as children are cruel when very young) How do I one day explain to him that his father no longer wanted to be a dad, husband, man! Will he be able to cope with it all! He is still very young and will be OK for the time being ... But what happens when he goes to school and the other children hear about his dad who is now like a aunt to him, for he only has one mom...ME... I will support where I can but draw the line there my son will not call Michelle mom, over my dead body!!!

I have so much anger and I am dealing with it with the help of a great doc! But I feel more pity than hate for Michelle, I know it might not have been a choice to be who and how she/he is but I do feel it was a choice to marry me and have a child together... but you know how they say hind site is 20/20.

I see it this way I can hate and feel sorry for myself all I want but that will only make me a bitter person! Or I can support a friend who is going through a hard time... and feel that I'm doing the right and descent thing! I make the CHOICE not to be bitter or hateful. And I know through doing that I become a better person and parent to my son...

OK byee for now... or till the next episode of my soap opera life begins.