I'm on holiday with my son, mother and aunt... really don't know why I do it to myself...
The last time I went on holiday with my mom and aunt it took us 14 hours to get from Margate to Pretoria!! 14 very very long hours, that took us right to the boarder of $%^&**^%$# that's as close as I can get to the correct spelling of the damn place.We took a nice leisurely drive through a location... where the broken down bakkies litter the road along with cars left on a couple of bricks every few kg... gives you a nice save feeling!!
Luckily I was not present when a year later this site seeing due take the long road to Knysna. This was my poor cousins draw of luck... they decided to take a meandering road back from their holiday there, lets just leave it at that...
So after that we, being both me and my cousin, decide NEVER AGAIN! And yet here I find myself in Whiteriver with my mother and aunt!! What the hell possessed me to do this, I would not know... but here I am. We had a great drive down here and the country side, wow!! SA really is a beautiful country that I should see more of... and that I will, just not with the 2 Miss Daisies!
This morning when we woke up it was overcast so we decided that we will go site seeing. and we took the back roads via Hazieview to Pilgrims Rest.OOO it's lovely and quint and well just like taking a step back in time... (I'll post some pics when I get back) and after site seeing for 6 hours we decided it's time to go back home as it was starting to drizzle and Triston was getting cranky and hungry...
And here starts the fun, half way back to Whiteriver the car(that just had a service) stalls... and no amount of pleading with the hunk of metal would get the damn thing going again... Triston is screaming from hunger and both my mom and aunt hop on their phones to get help. After a hell of a lot of calling around we get someone to come in and tow the car to Nelspruit and the nearest Ford dealer. But now we are 3 woman and one very unhappy baby boy stuck on the side of the road with no where to go... the joys of going on holiday with the 2 Miss Daisies!
We did get home or els I would not be writing this, but now we are stuck for hell knows how long with no car in a place we know nothing about surrounded by people we don't know... cant wait for tomorrow!!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
From me and mine...
I was really not looking forward to this first Christmas of many to be spent alone... but as it draws near, I’m starting get the joy back. This has largely to do with the joy Triston takes in opening gifts as well as him being able to recognize Father Christmas.
We had a early gift opening, as the singing Greek God is off to join his family for a wedding and maybe Christmas too. And Tris loved opening… well if he had his way EVERYTHING! So now I’m looking forward to time spent with those I love, being surrounded by family and friends… and I hope you will too!
May 2008 bring us all endless joy!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, to you and yours, from me and mine!
We had a early gift opening, as the singing Greek God is off to join his family for a wedding and maybe Christmas too. And Tris loved opening… well if he had his way EVERYTHING! So now I’m looking forward to time spent with those I love, being surrounded by family and friends… and I hope you will too!
May 2008 bring us all endless joy!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, to you and yours, from me and mine!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I HATE BEING SICK!!
I hate being sick with a passion!!
There is no feeling worse in life than feeling stuffy and groggy and unable to think one clear thought! I feel pathetic and want to be catered to… I want coke by the liters; I don’t care how bad it is for me… it’s my comfort food (drink).
I want people to leave me alone and pamper me at the same time…
They say men are real babies when their sick… well, so am I!!
Hell lets this pass quickly!
This is little Triston earlier in the year when he had RS and was in hospital… just like his mom he wanted to be pampered and held all day… at least he does not have my weakness for coke!!
There is no feeling worse in life than feeling stuffy and groggy and unable to think one clear thought! I feel pathetic and want to be catered to… I want coke by the liters; I don’t care how bad it is for me… it’s my comfort food (drink).
I want people to leave me alone and pamper me at the same time…
They say men are real babies when their sick… well, so am I!!
Hell lets this pass quickly!
This is little Triston earlier in the year when he had RS and was in hospital… just like his mom he wanted to be pampered and held all day… at least he does not have my weakness for coke!!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Mwha!
Ek IS happy...selfs so deur al die hormone... JY maak my happy!
Die road wat ons travel is vol slag gatte... maar bumps is deel van die lewe. En ek sal hulle face soos hulle opkom. Net soos jy jou bumps sal face... dit maak dit net makliker om oor hulle te kom as jy weet, regardles van past mistakes, is daar eimand wat saam met jou oor hulle wil gaan.
Word gou gesond...
Die road wat ons travel is vol slag gatte... maar bumps is deel van die lewe. En ek sal hulle face soos hulle opkom. Net soos jy jou bumps sal face... dit maak dit net makliker om oor hulle te kom as jy weet, regardles van past mistakes, is daar eimand wat saam met jou oor hulle wil gaan.
Word gou gesond...
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Hormone.... what???
I friend of a friend was telling me the other day how much of a pain PMS is… we feel willing, ready and able to commit murder, in fact I believe that woman with PMS should never be punished for crimes committed under the “influence”!!
You see it’s like this dark cloud comes sailing over our world… and the only thoughts allowed is… death… murder… destruction. Lucky for most of the men out there this last only a few days, and you’ll have your loving caring and devoted wife or girlfriend back in no time at all!
But no, not me… I have been seeing red (no pun intended) for three weeks!!!! I feel like I could chew nails and spit out bullets… like looking at me directly will cause someone to melt on the spot! And then there is the other more pathetic part of being a female in this state… the damn crying… I will be fuming one minute and in tears the next, for no reason what so ever!
So I decided last week, this is it! And called my grily doc(who’s a guy…lol) btw, I don’t get why men think that this is the best job in the world… I mean really; you don’t call them because you’re feeling great!! You call them because you’re either pregnant or feeling pissed at the world for no reason!! This does not make up the best or safest job in the world… ok back to me…
So I go to see him and get informed that my hormones are out of whack… like I couldn’t figure that out all by myself! And now I have to take a shit load of meds to fix the stuff up! And boy o boy are they fun!! Like the last 3 weeks have been a blast… now I’m cranky miserable and feeling like an open faucet… no jokes, I can now cry even while I’m angry… I can laugh with tears of misery streaming out of my eyes!!
What did poor mankind do to deserve this… easy, right now, THEY BREATHE!
The saying – this too shall pass… must have been thought up by a man!
But o, hell I hope he had a point!... let this f-ing pass!!!
You see it’s like this dark cloud comes sailing over our world… and the only thoughts allowed is… death… murder… destruction. Lucky for most of the men out there this last only a few days, and you’ll have your loving caring and devoted wife or girlfriend back in no time at all!
But no, not me… I have been seeing red (no pun intended) for three weeks!!!! I feel like I could chew nails and spit out bullets… like looking at me directly will cause someone to melt on the spot! And then there is the other more pathetic part of being a female in this state… the damn crying… I will be fuming one minute and in tears the next, for no reason what so ever!
So I decided last week, this is it! And called my grily doc(who’s a guy…lol) btw, I don’t get why men think that this is the best job in the world… I mean really; you don’t call them because you’re feeling great!! You call them because you’re either pregnant or feeling pissed at the world for no reason!! This does not make up the best or safest job in the world… ok back to me…
So I go to see him and get informed that my hormones are out of whack… like I couldn’t figure that out all by myself! And now I have to take a shit load of meds to fix the stuff up! And boy o boy are they fun!! Like the last 3 weeks have been a blast… now I’m cranky miserable and feeling like an open faucet… no jokes, I can now cry even while I’m angry… I can laugh with tears of misery streaming out of my eyes!!
What did poor mankind do to deserve this… easy, right now, THEY BREATHE!
The saying – this too shall pass… must have been thought up by a man!
But o, hell I hope he had a point!... let this f-ing pass!!!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Have a nice day...
May your happiness increase like the petrol price,
May your sorrows fall like the Zim dollar.
And joys fill your heart like corruption in South Africa
Have a wonderful Day
May your sorrows fall like the Zim dollar.
And joys fill your heart like corruption in South Africa
Have a wonderful Day
Monday, December 10, 2007
Beggars and such...
I once new this old beggar, he sat outside checkers every day, and drew pictures… I was working at CNA the time, and when someone gave him some money he would come to CNA to buy new pens… one day I went outside to have a sigaret and he was sitting there on the floor with a big cardboard box spread out on the floor he was concentrating so hard that I drew closers without him noticing…
What I saw amazed me! He was drawing the floor plan of a cathedral… and on the side panels of the box were the walls of the cathedral, drawn to size! It was amazing… that this man who you never look in the eye when passing by because you don’t want to admit to yourself that people like him are out there, could have a talent so profound.
So the next time I went out for a sigaret, I offered him one, and we started talking, we started talking about trivial things… but I soon learned that, he was once one of Durban’s up and coming architects, that he was married and had 2 children but that when his firm folded his wife left him and took the kids to come and live with her mother here in Pretoria.
He sold all he had to come here and find them, in the hope that he would be able to reconcile with her and his kids… but when he got here he couldn’t find them at the address he thought they lived. His money and will was running low, so he turned to drink, and lost what little he had left. When he finally realized what he was doing to himself and sobered up, he was unemployable, dirty and homeless.
So this is where I found him. Drawing buildings outside Checkers… for that entire Desember I spent my tee and lunch brakes talking to him, one day he gave me 3 drawings, one was the completed drawing that I saw the first time I met him, the day after that he wasn’t there any more… I never saw him again, but I still have the cathedral he drew on the cardboard box.
Now matter how smart or talented we are, we are not infallible… no one is without fault or weakness… and John taught me that! I hope where ever he finds himself that he made it out of his rut… that he found his wife and kids, and that he is happy. (But I think this might be a long way from what really happened to him)
I don’t know why this story struck me tonight, might be thinking that I’m happy, even when things didn’t work the way I had hoped… I still came out on top!
What I saw amazed me! He was drawing the floor plan of a cathedral… and on the side panels of the box were the walls of the cathedral, drawn to size! It was amazing… that this man who you never look in the eye when passing by because you don’t want to admit to yourself that people like him are out there, could have a talent so profound.
So the next time I went out for a sigaret, I offered him one, and we started talking, we started talking about trivial things… but I soon learned that, he was once one of Durban’s up and coming architects, that he was married and had 2 children but that when his firm folded his wife left him and took the kids to come and live with her mother here in Pretoria.
He sold all he had to come here and find them, in the hope that he would be able to reconcile with her and his kids… but when he got here he couldn’t find them at the address he thought they lived. His money and will was running low, so he turned to drink, and lost what little he had left. When he finally realized what he was doing to himself and sobered up, he was unemployable, dirty and homeless.
So this is where I found him. Drawing buildings outside Checkers… for that entire Desember I spent my tee and lunch brakes talking to him, one day he gave me 3 drawings, one was the completed drawing that I saw the first time I met him, the day after that he wasn’t there any more… I never saw him again, but I still have the cathedral he drew on the cardboard box.
Now matter how smart or talented we are, we are not infallible… no one is without fault or weakness… and John taught me that! I hope where ever he finds himself that he made it out of his rut… that he found his wife and kids, and that he is happy. (But I think this might be a long way from what really happened to him)
I don’t know why this story struck me tonight, might be thinking that I’m happy, even when things didn’t work the way I had hoped… I still came out on top!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Life is short...
Life is too damn short…
I look back on 25 years of my life, and I can’t think of one single useful thing that I have added to the world other than my gorgeous son!
When I die who will morn my passing and think there was someone who lived life to the full, who didn’t waist a moment… that’s the way I want to be remembered, as someone who enjoyed every moment of life!
I have so much to live for. And I have been wallowing in self-pity for to long now…
So here is my plan, I’m going to get a new car! If this thing with wheels that calls itself a car gives me one more problem, its petrol tank will meet a box of matches!
I’m going to get new furniture… since I sold all my old ones to make space for fathers furniture, and I was informed this week that I’m disinherited and that means that on his death all I will own is my bed, fridge and tumble-dryer. I’m going to save up and get new EVERYTHINGS! And all to my own taste!
I’m going house shopping… well maybe not house, town house sounds better! I’m going to get Triston a garden with a swing! And a pet… don’t know what yet, but we’ll get one!
I don’t care how long it takes… as long as it happens! I want Triston to look back in 25 years and say thanks mom you did your best and it was more than good enough!
I want to invite friends and have a braai, I want to laugh my ass off at least once a day… it’s not like I can’t afford to lose some ass! I want to lose weight… I want to look good again! (Now all I need is someone to drag kicking and screaming to gym with me)
But most of all I want to make other people happy when there around me… I want to make people feel that they are worth more than a bucket of diamonds when they leave my side.
Have you ever been around some one positive… no I mean really positive! The tipe of person who can make the most depressing day turn out happy. The tipe of person who can just sit beside you and give you’re hand a squeeze, and then you suddenly feel like you can take on the world again. I want to be like that… I want life to bubble out of ever fiber of my being. I want to live and make others feel alive!
And so in this short life we all lead… this is what I want… these are my goals, the rainbow at the end of my tunnel… and come hell(been there) or high water(done that) I’ll make it!
I look back on 25 years of my life, and I can’t think of one single useful thing that I have added to the world other than my gorgeous son!
When I die who will morn my passing and think there was someone who lived life to the full, who didn’t waist a moment… that’s the way I want to be remembered, as someone who enjoyed every moment of life!
I have so much to live for. And I have been wallowing in self-pity for to long now…
So here is my plan, I’m going to get a new car! If this thing with wheels that calls itself a car gives me one more problem, its petrol tank will meet a box of matches!
I’m going to get new furniture… since I sold all my old ones to make space for fathers furniture, and I was informed this week that I’m disinherited and that means that on his death all I will own is my bed, fridge and tumble-dryer. I’m going to save up and get new EVERYTHINGS! And all to my own taste!
I’m going house shopping… well maybe not house, town house sounds better! I’m going to get Triston a garden with a swing! And a pet… don’t know what yet, but we’ll get one!
I don’t care how long it takes… as long as it happens! I want Triston to look back in 25 years and say thanks mom you did your best and it was more than good enough!
I want to invite friends and have a braai, I want to laugh my ass off at least once a day… it’s not like I can’t afford to lose some ass! I want to lose weight… I want to look good again! (Now all I need is someone to drag kicking and screaming to gym with me)
But most of all I want to make other people happy when there around me… I want to make people feel that they are worth more than a bucket of diamonds when they leave my side.
Have you ever been around some one positive… no I mean really positive! The tipe of person who can make the most depressing day turn out happy. The tipe of person who can just sit beside you and give you’re hand a squeeze, and then you suddenly feel like you can take on the world again. I want to be like that… I want life to bubble out of ever fiber of my being. I want to live and make others feel alive!
And so in this short life we all lead… this is what I want… these are my goals, the rainbow at the end of my tunnel… and come hell(been there) or high water(done that) I’ll make it!
Sunday, December 2, 2007
TristonJ
I had a great weekend... had a million and one things to do, and felt like I had done nothing by the end of it!
Had a braai at a friends house, (face book is amazing she found me after we had not seen each other in over 10 years) and good nights sleep.
Triston had his first sleep over at his dads, and I really, really needed the break! So it all went well(but for the fact that Triston only fell asleep at 12 in the morning) I picked him up this morning and low and behold he had no broken bones and all his facial features where still where the should be... not that I had any worries about it, none in fact! Michelle is a good father. Its just damn hard leaving your child with anyone, even his father... but I'll get use to it.
On another note... Triston is turning two next Friday!! My baby is turning TWO, I can hardly believe it... on the one hand it feels like he was born yesterday and on the other it feels like he has always been here! Honestly, I cant remember what I did with my time before he came... I mean what do you do with your mornings when they are not spent repairing nappy damage! Or how did you eat a meal without standing up 10 million times to get him to eat something... come to that when did you last eat all the
food on your own plate!
I love my son and I would not change one thing about him! He is perfection personified - tantrums and all!
That's another new one to me, Triston has always been a dream child... well behaved, polite and an angel in general. Then he hits toddler hood... end of bragging right there! My little angel has a radar built in that points to all little car rides(you know the ones in game arcades)... you think you are still walking by peacefully and all of a sudden the pram feels soooo light you look down and ...
Nothing, no toddler siting there, bottle in hand pointing at this or chatting to that... just gone!!
So I start looking around frantically! And where would the little bugger be... got it! Sitting in one of these damn cars, hopping up and down with glee! Then comes the battle of wills... getting him out, and the shopping done! So I need to get him out prop him on my hip and run.... run for dear life! I have never had a problem with people staring at us, but when they start looking at you and saying sweetly "Ag, his so cute" I just want to yell "Then you stand here for the next 30 minutes!"
OK, so this too will pass...when?!?!?
But as much as I hate tantrums, Triston is now at the best age! He knows about hugs, I love it when we snuggle up in bed on a Saturday morning and he just pops up and gives me a big bear hug!
He is perfect!
Happy birthday Lawwe Blaffie!
Had a braai at a friends house, (face book is amazing she found me after we had not seen each other in over 10 years) and good nights sleep.
Triston had his first sleep over at his dads, and I really, really needed the break! So it all went well(but for the fact that Triston only fell asleep at 12 in the morning) I picked him up this morning and low and behold he had no broken bones and all his facial features where still where the should be... not that I had any worries about it, none in fact! Michelle is a good father. Its just damn hard leaving your child with anyone, even his father... but I'll get use to it.
On another note... Triston is turning two next Friday!! My baby is turning TWO, I can hardly believe it... on the one hand it feels like he was born yesterday and on the other it feels like he has always been here! Honestly, I cant remember what I did with my time before he came... I mean what do you do with your mornings when they are not spent repairing nappy damage! Or how did you eat a meal without standing up 10 million times to get him to eat something... come to that when did you last eat all the
food on your own plate!I love my son and I would not change one thing about him! He is perfection personified - tantrums and all!
That's another new one to me, Triston has always been a dream child... well behaved, polite and an angel in general. Then he hits toddler hood... end of bragging right there! My little angel has a radar built in that points to all little car rides(you know the ones in game arcades)... you think you are still walking by peacefully and all of a sudden the pram feels soooo light you look down and ...
Nothing, no toddler siting there, bottle in hand pointing at this or chatting to that... just gone!!
So I start looking around frantically! And where would the little bugger be... got it! Sitting in one of these damn cars, hopping up and down with glee! Then comes the battle of wills... getting him out, and the shopping done! So I need to get him out prop him on my hip and run.... run for dear life! I have never had a problem with people staring at us, but when they start looking at you and saying sweetly "Ag, his so cute" I just want to yell "Then you stand here for the next 30 minutes!"
OK, so this too will pass...when?!?!?
But as much as I hate tantrums, Triston is now at the best age! He knows about hugs, I love it when we snuggle up in bed on a Saturday morning and he just pops up and gives me a big bear hug!
He is perfect!
Happy birthday Lawwe Blaffie!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Shadow boxing...
I have lately been feeling like I'm shadow boxing against my own mind...
There are thing that I cant add up, no matter how I put them together...
I have questions I know I don't want the answers too... yet I ask, and receive...
So how do you fight a shadow, a thought, an idea...
I build mental images in my mind, and when I get the info to color them in... I don't want the picture there any more...
I have my own pictures that aren't made of purity... I wish they were, I wish I could live up to the standards that others set so high...
That I could be the perfect faultless daughter, mother, lover... But that I'll never be...
So this is me... And my shadows Will remain just that, shadows. I can live with them... even if I don't like them. They are not worth more than I am, for I'm real... I live and love. I bleed red and cry tears. I laugh till my sides ache. I'm me!
And no shadow will stand in my way or cloud over my ray of sun...
Got it!
...
Good.
There are thing that I cant add up, no matter how I put them together...
I have questions I know I don't want the answers too... yet I ask, and receive...
So how do you fight a shadow, a thought, an idea...
I build mental images in my mind, and when I get the info to color them in... I don't want the picture there any more...
I have my own pictures that aren't made of purity... I wish they were, I wish I could live up to the standards that others set so high...
That I could be the perfect faultless daughter, mother, lover... But that I'll never be...
So this is me... And my shadows Will remain just that, shadows. I can live with them... even if I don't like them. They are not worth more than I am, for I'm real... I live and love. I bleed red and cry tears. I laugh till my sides ache. I'm me!
And no shadow will stand in my way or cloud over my ray of sun...
Got it!
...
Good.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Lizards...
Got this email a while back and I found it hilarious!...
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh, my gosh!" my wife exclaimed. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I said accusingly to my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!).
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!) By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.
"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot When it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet, with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.).
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting, "he murmured. "Mr. And Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen . . . Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . . Um . . Masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
We were silent, absorbing this. "So, Ernie's just . . . Just … Excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face.
"It's just . . . That . . I'm picturing you pulling on its . its . . teeny little . ." She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
Two lizards: $140.
One cage: $50.
Trip to the vet: $30.
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless
Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs.
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh, my gosh!" my wife exclaimed. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I said accusingly to my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!).
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!) By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.
"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot When it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet, with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.).
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting, "he murmured. "Mr. And Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen . . . Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . . Um . . Masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
We were silent, absorbing this. "So, Ernie's just . . . Just … Excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face.
"It's just . . . That . . I'm picturing you pulling on its . its . . teeny little . ." She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
Two lizards: $140.
One cage: $50.
Trip to the vet: $30.
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless
Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
8 Things you might not know about me...
OK so here goes... let me bore you lot out of your minds!
1. I have only been driving for the last 3 months... so if you see me coming, run!!!
2. I hate fish, tomatoes, onions, garlic, peppers and baby marrows... I will eat it all if in disguise, well all but the fish - try to give it to me and I will not be held responsible for the results.
3. I might be the only woman alive that never craves chocolate! - but I do love dipping biltong in caramel.
4. I have done every sport there is (that girls may do)... for at least 2 weeks.
.... um ...don't know what ells to wright....
5. I don't believe in god. But I have allot of respect for those who do! So don't jump on my back!!
6. I'm the middle child, and the first to be born in SA.
7. I hate horror movies!
8. I stop eating when I'm stressed.... best diet in the world was finding out my ex husband wants to be a woman!
There you go... not that interesting... but whats done is done! So go "tag" someone ells...lol
1. I have only been driving for the last 3 months... so if you see me coming, run!!!
2. I hate fish, tomatoes, onions, garlic, peppers and baby marrows... I will eat it all if in disguise, well all but the fish - try to give it to me and I will not be held responsible for the results.
3. I might be the only woman alive that never craves chocolate! - but I do love dipping biltong in caramel.
4. I have done every sport there is (that girls may do)... for at least 2 weeks.
.... um ...don't know what ells to wright....
5. I don't believe in god. But I have allot of respect for those who do! So don't jump on my back!!
6. I'm the middle child, and the first to be born in SA.
7. I hate horror movies!
8. I stop eating when I'm stressed.... best diet in the world was finding out my ex husband wants to be a woman!
There you go... not that interesting... but whats done is done! So go "tag" someone ells...lol
Monday, November 26, 2007
Friends...
Its odd how some friends build you and others would rather have you stay the same or brake you... I was watching TV last night, The Biggest Looser, and they had the final on. I was fascinated by what happened when the last three contestants went home and had to continue what they had learned at home... and bring it all into there daily lives.
The one and only woman who had made it to the final, went out to lunch with a group of friends. They had no regard for the difficulty she faced when the time came to order... and even tried to persuade her to eat off there plates the things they know she may not touch. They went to such an extent that the poor girl was in tears by the end of the meal.
One of the two men who had made it, had been an alcoholic before he came on the show, and his friends, to welcome him back, take him to a pub... and tease him when he refuses to take a drink "o, come on just one!" who needs enemies when you have friends like these?!?
I wish to surround my self with people who will help me enhance my life! And I will get rid of all those who wish to keep me rooted to there own level... I want to grow and the best way to do this is to have friends who are like minded! I'd rather have one true friend than 50 wolves in sheep's clothing.
Thankfully, I have that one true friend...
The one and only woman who had made it to the final, went out to lunch with a group of friends. They had no regard for the difficulty she faced when the time came to order... and even tried to persuade her to eat off there plates the things they know she may not touch. They went to such an extent that the poor girl was in tears by the end of the meal.
One of the two men who had made it, had been an alcoholic before he came on the show, and his friends, to welcome him back, take him to a pub... and tease him when he refuses to take a drink "o, come on just one!" who needs enemies when you have friends like these?!?
I wish to surround my self with people who will help me enhance my life! And I will get rid of all those who wish to keep me rooted to there own level... I want to grow and the best way to do this is to have friends who are like minded! I'd rather have one true friend than 50 wolves in sheep's clothing.
Thankfully, I have that one true friend...
Friday, November 23, 2007
Ouch!
I went to go and visit a dear friend of mine in hospital today, she had her Sexual Reassignment Surgery done... and all I can say is ouch!
But damn it must take guts...! I love being a woman so I cant think of a single thing that would prompt me to do something so drastic to my own body! And I really can't imagine Michelle going through with it... I take my hat off to those few who go all the way...
Good luck Tina, now you are the woman you have always wanted to be... I hope it brings you happiness!
But damn it must take guts...! I love being a woman so I cant think of a single thing that would prompt me to do something so drastic to my own body! And I really can't imagine Michelle going through with it... I take my hat off to those few who go all the way...
Good luck Tina, now you are the woman you have always wanted to be... I hope it brings you happiness!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
My first night out...
So tonight was my first night out as a divorcee...
And I had dinner with this amazing guy, listened to this wonderful man sing with his drop dead gorgeous, silk over gravel voice, laughed and just plane had fun in general!
There is just something about a man that can sing... don't know how to describe it, it makes me want to close my eyes and drift off to a different place, where there is only him and me...
It makes me wish the words of each song was sung just for me (lol, even when there not)
OK, that's my story... it's to late in the night to go into more detail, but I felt like putting these feelings out there... for all my little ghost readers.
I'm OK and will stay OK, I feel happy and content with the place my life is heading... I have meaning in my life, and I want to live it to the fullness. I want to build new dreams to replace the old, for Triston and me... I want to get a place of our own to call home, I want to take him to school in the mornings and pick him up after work, just to rush home and make us dinner, and then spend time with him... to make sure he knows he is loved... I want to get him a pet, a dog might be to much, maybe a cat... ?
I want to dream... I want to love and be loved... I want so many things for myself and Triston... I want to spend weekends(well to be honest any day of the week too) listening to silk covering gravel, as a smiling face sings while doing... well just about everything.
Who knows, maybe life has dealt me the last blow, and things might finally be normal in my life, no drama, no pain, no mistakes... just days like today...
Who knows..? All I can do is hope!
And I had dinner with this amazing guy, listened to this wonderful man sing with his drop dead gorgeous, silk over gravel voice, laughed and just plane had fun in general!
There is just something about a man that can sing... don't know how to describe it, it makes me want to close my eyes and drift off to a different place, where there is only him and me...
It makes me wish the words of each song was sung just for me (lol, even when there not)
OK, that's my story... it's to late in the night to go into more detail, but I felt like putting these feelings out there... for all my little ghost readers.
I'm OK and will stay OK, I feel happy and content with the place my life is heading... I have meaning in my life, and I want to live it to the fullness. I want to build new dreams to replace the old, for Triston and me... I want to get a place of our own to call home, I want to take him to school in the mornings and pick him up after work, just to rush home and make us dinner, and then spend time with him... to make sure he knows he is loved... I want to get him a pet, a dog might be to much, maybe a cat... ?
I want to dream... I want to love and be loved... I want so many things for myself and Triston... I want to spend weekends(well to be honest any day of the week too) listening to silk covering gravel, as a smiling face sings while doing... well just about everything.
Who knows, maybe life has dealt me the last blow, and things might finally be normal in my life, no drama, no pain, no mistakes... just days like today...
Who knows..? All I can do is hope!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
It's over...
So it's over... damn quick!
I feel a bit numb at the moment... it will probably sink in later.
I'm glad it's done, I know that I had no other choice... we would never have been able to make each other happy, and I would never have been able to make peace with it all...
I was recently told that I'm not ready to be in a relationship... and maybe it's true, but this person who told me so, this person who holds in his hands the pieces of my hart, he should know that even though neither of us are ready to take that big step - I'm here and I don't plan on going away... I have found in you, someone I know I can trust, love and most importantly who can be my friend (one day you might realise that you can love and trust me too)! So until you feel we are ready for that step, I'll wait... I'll wait for you...
Thanks for being there for me today, I needed you to be there.
I feel a bit numb at the moment... it will probably sink in later.
I'm glad it's done, I know that I had no other choice... we would never have been able to make each other happy, and I would never have been able to make peace with it all...
I was recently told that I'm not ready to be in a relationship... and maybe it's true, but this person who told me so, this person who holds in his hands the pieces of my hart, he should know that even though neither of us are ready to take that big step - I'm here and I don't plan on going away... I have found in you, someone I know I can trust, love and most importantly who can be my friend (one day you might realise that you can love and trust me too)! So until you feel we are ready for that step, I'll wait... I'll wait for you...
Thanks for being there for me today, I needed you to be there.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Tomorrow...
Tomorrow is the last day of my fake marriage... it ends.
So now the feelings start... well just as soon as I can figure out how I want to feel about it?!?
Tomorrow marks the end of seven years with some one I had loved and who I thought loved me in return (as a man should love a woman) - yet I cant feel regret in the years spent with him... they gave me my son!
Tomorrow I lower my husband into his grave. Its the final nail in the coffin of the man I married, now Michelle can live, and hopefully be happy in the life she chose!
Tomorrow, tomorrow i'llllll love ye tomorrow its onlllly a dayyyyy awaaayyyy!
LOL just felt like it!
Back to the topic at hand.
I feel a great loss, not only is my husband dead (or as good as) but I have lost a friend... my best friend.
Even though we both had the best intentions to stay friends, I don't think it will work. The reason being that I can't agree with the way this transition is handled, not that it should be my problem - it would be great to say "go ahead do your thing, we'll be OK"... but alas I can't do that! It is my problem, as it touches me directly... so I think we might be able to remain friendly, but not friends (unless there is a sudden change of hart and Michelle decides to do things the way she promised)
So I bid a sad and fond farewell to my husband... it was great while the blinds over my eyes where still intact...
To seven years of my life... but not lost years, I have my child.
To my friend... this loss might be the one I feel the most!
And when tomorrow finally comes, I will stand up and do what has to be done... not with a glad hart... but with memories intact and dreams shattered.
And then I will walk away from it just as you did... and start dreaming new dreams!
So now the feelings start... well just as soon as I can figure out how I want to feel about it?!?
Tomorrow marks the end of seven years with some one I had loved and who I thought loved me in return (as a man should love a woman) - yet I cant feel regret in the years spent with him... they gave me my son!
Tomorrow I lower my husband into his grave. Its the final nail in the coffin of the man I married, now Michelle can live, and hopefully be happy in the life she chose!
Tomorrow, tomorrow i'llllll love ye tomorrow its onlllly a dayyyyy awaaayyyy!
LOL just felt like it!
Back to the topic at hand.
I feel a great loss, not only is my husband dead (or as good as) but I have lost a friend... my best friend.
Even though we both had the best intentions to stay friends, I don't think it will work. The reason being that I can't agree with the way this transition is handled, not that it should be my problem - it would be great to say "go ahead do your thing, we'll be OK"... but alas I can't do that! It is my problem, as it touches me directly... so I think we might be able to remain friendly, but not friends (unless there is a sudden change of hart and Michelle decides to do things the way she promised)
So I bid a sad and fond farewell to my husband... it was great while the blinds over my eyes where still intact...
To seven years of my life... but not lost years, I have my child.
To my friend... this loss might be the one I feel the most!
And when tomorrow finally comes, I will stand up and do what has to be done... not with a glad hart... but with memories intact and dreams shattered.
And then I will walk away from it just as you did... and start dreaming new dreams!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Go sit in the corner!
I feel like a naughty child... I was sent home from work today... had my self a nice little hissy fit!
Michelle sent me a message informing me that she told her work about whats going on. As I knew this was going to happen it was not such a big problem, it was just the way it was done!
If you tell your employer such a huge thing and you know that the result might end in you being forced to leave (by law they cant fire her, but they can make life damn uncomfortable), if this was the case, would you not wait till you had a backup plan... especially if you know that you have financial responsibilities, and I'm not just talking about our son or our debt, but he co-rents a place with his mom, and she will NOT be able to handle the rent and cost of life without his help?!? Has the whole world turned selfish!
I wish Michelle all the happiness life can give her. But I get so angry... I ask and ask to be told when she makes life changing decisions like this! I have to make provision for our son and our debt, if she cant bring her side I'm stuck! I don't want to go down this road, but if I have to and I'm forced to I'll do what needs to be done... as of the 20Th I have a legally binding contract sating that she is responsible for half our dept as well as maintenance for Triston... I cant allow her to be selfish in this way!?! But it feels so wrong, I want her to have the life she dreamed of. But can I truly allow it to be at Triston's cost?
When all this started we sat down and looked at all the debt together and my mom and I had worked out a plan to have it paid off in one year. Michelle agreed that waiting one year will be OK and that she will put off the whole transition till the debt was paid off... and now all these things are taking place that should not be happening now!
So I think I have a right to be angry... it feels like every word out of Michelle's mouth in the last 3 months have been a lie! I loved and respected Etienne, but I'm really finding it hard to just like Michelle. I don't know if that makes sense... and don't give me the crap of she is still the same person, its just not true. Etienne would rather have gone hungry than let Triston go without anything (in fact we have done that) family always came first... but Michelle just cares about getting the body she wants, at any cost!
So Michelle, is the cost to high... I will never keep Triston from you, and Triston will learn to love Michelle, as its not in my personality to poison his mind against you... but think about it? Think about all the empty promises over the last 3 months...
I will see Triston every night... didn't last long. (and I'm not talking about now, I know you don't have a car at the moment)
I will wait one year before starting... till you got your first doctors appointment.
I will let you know when I make decisions that effect you and Triston... hasn't happened yet - other than that you want to be a woman.
...and here is where I will stop...
So here I sit, angry yet again... do you think I like feeling like this towards you?? Do you think it pleases me to be used like a yo-yo that just has to fall in with your plans??
Please just think about it, I now know you read this... and maybe its for the best. Because here I can say what I cant say to your face...
I want to be your friend, but you make it damn hard... is it really to much to ask that you wait till the debt is paid... is it really to much to ask that you consult me about things that effect me??
Guess it is...
Michelle sent me a message informing me that she told her work about whats going on. As I knew this was going to happen it was not such a big problem, it was just the way it was done!
If you tell your employer such a huge thing and you know that the result might end in you being forced to leave (by law they cant fire her, but they can make life damn uncomfortable), if this was the case, would you not wait till you had a backup plan... especially if you know that you have financial responsibilities, and I'm not just talking about our son or our debt, but he co-rents a place with his mom, and she will NOT be able to handle the rent and cost of life without his help?!? Has the whole world turned selfish!
I wish Michelle all the happiness life can give her. But I get so angry... I ask and ask to be told when she makes life changing decisions like this! I have to make provision for our son and our debt, if she cant bring her side I'm stuck! I don't want to go down this road, but if I have to and I'm forced to I'll do what needs to be done... as of the 20Th I have a legally binding contract sating that she is responsible for half our dept as well as maintenance for Triston... I cant allow her to be selfish in this way!?! But it feels so wrong, I want her to have the life she dreamed of. But can I truly allow it to be at Triston's cost?
When all this started we sat down and looked at all the debt together and my mom and I had worked out a plan to have it paid off in one year. Michelle agreed that waiting one year will be OK and that she will put off the whole transition till the debt was paid off... and now all these things are taking place that should not be happening now!
So I think I have a right to be angry... it feels like every word out of Michelle's mouth in the last 3 months have been a lie! I loved and respected Etienne, but I'm really finding it hard to just like Michelle. I don't know if that makes sense... and don't give me the crap of she is still the same person, its just not true. Etienne would rather have gone hungry than let Triston go without anything (in fact we have done that) family always came first... but Michelle just cares about getting the body she wants, at any cost!
So Michelle, is the cost to high... I will never keep Triston from you, and Triston will learn to love Michelle, as its not in my personality to poison his mind against you... but think about it? Think about all the empty promises over the last 3 months...
I will see Triston every night... didn't last long. (and I'm not talking about now, I know you don't have a car at the moment)
I will wait one year before starting... till you got your first doctors appointment.
I will let you know when I make decisions that effect you and Triston... hasn't happened yet - other than that you want to be a woman.
...and here is where I will stop...
So here I sit, angry yet again... do you think I like feeling like this towards you?? Do you think it pleases me to be used like a yo-yo that just has to fall in with your plans??
Please just think about it, I now know you read this... and maybe its for the best. Because here I can say what I cant say to your face...
I want to be your friend, but you make it damn hard... is it really to much to ask that you wait till the debt is paid... is it really to much to ask that you consult me about things that effect me??
Guess it is...
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Rollercoaster...
Lately I have been feeling like I have a roller coaster attached to my emotions.... then I received a email... and smiled for at least 10 min.... its so damn true!
Friday, November 9, 2007
What a week...
No more bitching and moaning... life goes on, and its WEEKEND!
The sun is shining... and I'm spending Saturday on the beach in the middle of Gauteng... with a great guy... whom I have been missing all week...
Enjoy your weekend all my little ghosts... I know I will!
The sun is shining... and I'm spending Saturday on the beach in the middle of Gauteng... with a great guy... whom I have been missing all week...
Enjoy your weekend all my little ghosts... I know I will!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Breath in... Breath out....
OK nice and calm now... sort of.
I needed my little rant of before, but I have had time to step back and look... and to be honest I think this whole thing with my ex and his fe/male dilemma, is just fear.
I think the impact of his choice is finally hitting him... and now s/he is running scared! It took its sweet time happening but I knew it would have to happen sometime soon.
Michelle has seen light and I don't think she will allow Etienne to shove her back in the closet... so regardless of what Etienne says Michelle is here to stay... funny how it makes sense from the outside looking in...?
So now all I can do is except who ever the hell he wants to be - and reassure him that Triston will be able to deal with it and all things life throws his way because he has a great and in-place support system.
The fear is that Triston will resent him because of this choice he made... and the truth is that it is very likely that he will, but if Michelle can be there for him in the same loving way Etienne has been there, Triston will be able to look back and see that he did not miss out in life and that regardless of the decisions his dad made in his life he still has 2 parents that love him...
And so I look to my little rainbow again... move on with my life... and hope that the next choice Michelle makes wont through me so off balance....
This is Triston 2 weeks ago on my birthday---
I needed my little rant of before, but I have had time to step back and look... and to be honest I think this whole thing with my ex and his fe/male dilemma, is just fear.
I think the impact of his choice is finally hitting him... and now s/he is running scared! It took its sweet time happening but I knew it would have to happen sometime soon.
Michelle has seen light and I don't think she will allow Etienne to shove her back in the closet... so regardless of what Etienne says Michelle is here to stay... funny how it makes sense from the outside looking in...?
So now all I can do is except who ever the hell he wants to be - and reassure him that Triston will be able to deal with it and all things life throws his way because he has a great and in-place support system.
The fear is that Triston will resent him because of this choice he made... and the truth is that it is very likely that he will, but if Michelle can be there for him in the same loving way Etienne has been there, Triston will be able to look back and see that he did not miss out in life and that regardless of the decisions his dad made in his life he still has 2 parents that love him...
And so I look to my little rainbow again... move on with my life... and hope that the next choice Michelle makes wont through me so off balance....
This is Triston 2 weeks ago on my birthday---
Monday, November 5, 2007
Bugger it all to hell and back!!
After all this pain, after all my tears, after all of it... Michelle decides that the cost (emotional) of the transition is to high???? He doesn't what to loose his son too...
I could hate him, in fact I'm getting to close to doing just that! OK fine so I'm glad my son wont go through hell because his dad decided he wants to be a woman! But shit could he not have thought of the cost before destroying my life and forcing me to start from scratch... I don't know what he wants me to say to this news??? Does he want me to fall in his arms and declare my undying love to him... there is no such thing! Love can die just as cruel and painful a death as most things in life can. And my love for him as my husband is dead! The bit of respect I had left for him is going, going ... ! I really don't know what he wants me to think or feel about this...news?
So this is how easy it is to bring my silly spiral back, to break me into a million pieces... just as I think OK, I'm back on my feet... life becomes the bitch I have known all my life!
But regardless of all this, my marriage is over, my son comes from a broken home, and I, yet again, feel like I will never be enough...
I want to be held right now... I want someone to tell me it will be OK, that I'm worthy of love...
I could hate him, in fact I'm getting to close to doing just that! OK fine so I'm glad my son wont go through hell because his dad decided he wants to be a woman! But shit could he not have thought of the cost before destroying my life and forcing me to start from scratch... I don't know what he wants me to say to this news??? Does he want me to fall in his arms and declare my undying love to him... there is no such thing! Love can die just as cruel and painful a death as most things in life can. And my love for him as my husband is dead! The bit of respect I had left for him is going, going ... ! I really don't know what he wants me to think or feel about this...news?
So this is how easy it is to bring my silly spiral back, to break me into a million pieces... just as I think OK, I'm back on my feet... life becomes the bitch I have known all my life!
But regardless of all this, my marriage is over, my son comes from a broken home, and I, yet again, feel like I will never be enough...
I want to be held right now... I want someone to tell me it will be OK, that I'm worthy of love...
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Pity Party.
OK pity party is over! Lets get on with life!
And if you don't know what I'm talking about... Goood!
Put a smile on your face, pretend that the pounding headache is not real... wear your flat shoes... go to work in shorts... RELAX... life ain't half as bad as we make it out to be!
Have a great day all my little ghost readers!
And if you don't know what I'm talking about... Goood!
Put a smile on your face, pretend that the pounding headache is not real... wear your flat shoes... go to work in shorts... RELAX... life ain't half as bad as we make it out to be!
Have a great day all my little ghost readers!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
OK now what?!?
So I got my date today... the d-day...
And now its time for the long wait.........
OK maybe not so long, in fact I'm amazed at how soon it will be over! I need this to be over, but what the hell do I say to the judge...
Umm, yes sir we had a great marriage till the day hubby decided he wants to be... wait for it...a woman???
I really, really hope I don't get some sort of liberal judge, telling me that SHE is still the same person I fell in love with... please please please! (what in a dress and boobs, I don't think so!)
NO what I want is a nice boere oomie, who will look at this case, shake his head and send me on my merry little way.
And now I'll be like a kid before her birth day ... I'm going to count the days - plus side is I can count past ten right up to twenty...
One day over X - 19 to go... shit shit shit... it just dawned on me that it will be exactly the day we got married!!! How is that for fate?!? I will never look at the 20th of November in the same way... got shackled and set free on the same date just different years...isn't life just funny!
And now its time for the long wait.........
OK maybe not so long, in fact I'm amazed at how soon it will be over! I need this to be over, but what the hell do I say to the judge...
Umm, yes sir we had a great marriage till the day hubby decided he wants to be... wait for it...a woman???
I really, really hope I don't get some sort of liberal judge, telling me that SHE is still the same person I fell in love with... please please please! (what in a dress and boobs, I don't think so!)
NO what I want is a nice boere oomie, who will look at this case, shake his head and send me on my merry little way.
And now I'll be like a kid before her birth day ... I'm going to count the days - plus side is I can count past ten right up to twenty...
One day over X - 19 to go... shit shit shit... it just dawned on me that it will be exactly the day we got married!!! How is that for fate?!? I will never look at the 20th of November in the same way... got shackled and set free on the same date just different years...isn't life just funny!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The end draws near
So it is almost over, it is almost time for me to close the book on 7 years of my life... And for some reason don't know how I should feel about it.
Should I be crying...
Should I be grateful...
Should I be angry...
Should I be resentful... I think that might be as close as I could get to the feelings inside me.
You never read what I write here so I'm going to bear my soul to you...
You let me down as no one in my life has let me down, not because of the pain you caused me, though that's a big part of it. But rather because of the fact that you where the last person I ever expected to hurt me... You where the rock I could depend on and you where the light at the end of my tunnel. You riped my world from under me and never looked back at the devastation you left in your wake...
But then I must add, in all fairness, because of what you did to me, I'm a better and stronger person. Because of you and the selfish choice you made, I have bettered myself... I have found a job I love, I have found my Independence behind the steering wheel of my own car, I have found out that regardless of what you did to me I'm worthy of love. And even though I thought "this is it, no man will touch my hart again" I find myself in a place where I can allow others to love me.
I know I keep hammering on what you did to me, but the truth is that it was you... I can walk away from 7 years and not feel guilty. I know that I loved you with all my hart, and you know that I would have been willing to love you till the day I die, knowing that you never loved me in the same way. But the choice I made to get a divorce was mine and mine alone. The reason for this choice was that I knew Triston would have to go through hell having you in his life permanently, and that you would have resented me in the long run.
But mostly it was because I don't think I deserve what you did to me, I have stood by you through thick and thin, in sickness and in health and all the rest... but all I did was not enough. I don't think any thing would have been enough. So my choice is a selfish one, the first in all our years together. I chose me! I chose to live my life as I have never been allowed to do. I chose to love someone who can love me in return!
And as the end draws near I say thank you...
Thank you for my beautiful son - for him alone I would go through it all again.
Thank you for my independence - I was far to comfortable in allowing you to drive me where I wanted to go and of you taking care of bringing in the money we needed to survive on.
Thank you for helping me see that I am more than just your wife and Tristons mom - that I can stand on my own and be me, that in doing so I'm a better mother and person.
Thank you for showing me that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was - that even when I felt ready to give up I stood strong.
They say all things happen for a reason... and I guess who ever they are, they might have a point!
So, no, I'm not angry and I don't hate you. I'm sort of sad at how things didn't go according to my grand plan, but looking back now my grand plan well.... sucked!
And when the end comes, I know I'll be able to walk away looking at the good times we have had together, but I will also be able to look forward and see my rainbow... and chase it till I find my pot of luck!
I wish you well in your life, and hope that this rocky road you have set your feet upon will not be too bumpy. And that you will be able to fit our son in this new world of yours because he does not deserve to be punished for our choices...
Blessed be my friend... lets hope we both smile at the end...
Should I be crying...
Should I be grateful...
Should I be angry...
Should I be resentful... I think that might be as close as I could get to the feelings inside me.
You never read what I write here so I'm going to bear my soul to you...
You let me down as no one in my life has let me down, not because of the pain you caused me, though that's a big part of it. But rather because of the fact that you where the last person I ever expected to hurt me... You where the rock I could depend on and you where the light at the end of my tunnel. You riped my world from under me and never looked back at the devastation you left in your wake...
But then I must add, in all fairness, because of what you did to me, I'm a better and stronger person. Because of you and the selfish choice you made, I have bettered myself... I have found a job I love, I have found my Independence behind the steering wheel of my own car, I have found out that regardless of what you did to me I'm worthy of love. And even though I thought "this is it, no man will touch my hart again" I find myself in a place where I can allow others to love me.
I know I keep hammering on what you did to me, but the truth is that it was you... I can walk away from 7 years and not feel guilty. I know that I loved you with all my hart, and you know that I would have been willing to love you till the day I die, knowing that you never loved me in the same way. But the choice I made to get a divorce was mine and mine alone. The reason for this choice was that I knew Triston would have to go through hell having you in his life permanently, and that you would have resented me in the long run.
But mostly it was because I don't think I deserve what you did to me, I have stood by you through thick and thin, in sickness and in health and all the rest... but all I did was not enough. I don't think any thing would have been enough. So my choice is a selfish one, the first in all our years together. I chose me! I chose to live my life as I have never been allowed to do. I chose to love someone who can love me in return!
And as the end draws near I say thank you...
Thank you for my beautiful son - for him alone I would go through it all again.
Thank you for my independence - I was far to comfortable in allowing you to drive me where I wanted to go and of you taking care of bringing in the money we needed to survive on.
Thank you for helping me see that I am more than just your wife and Tristons mom - that I can stand on my own and be me, that in doing so I'm a better mother and person.
Thank you for showing me that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was - that even when I felt ready to give up I stood strong.
They say all things happen for a reason... and I guess who ever they are, they might have a point!
So, no, I'm not angry and I don't hate you. I'm sort of sad at how things didn't go according to my grand plan, but looking back now my grand plan well.... sucked!
And when the end comes, I know I'll be able to walk away looking at the good times we have had together, but I will also be able to look forward and see my rainbow... and chase it till I find my pot of luck!
I wish you well in your life, and hope that this rocky road you have set your feet upon will not be too bumpy. And that you will be able to fit our son in this new world of yours because he does not deserve to be punished for our choices...
Blessed be my friend... lets hope we both smile at the end...
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
The world goes round and round
Little Triston is sick again... the doctor kindly informed my mother when she took him in on Monday that Triston has been to the doctor more than 20 times this year... doesn't sound so bad till I remember we are in October and that means a visit twice a month, and that's not even counting the hospital stay and the visits to his Pead!!! What the hell am I doing wrong, I know I'm a good mother and Triston is a happy balanced little boy regardless of how messed up things in his life is at the moment... I just don't get it!!
I feel so helpless when he's sick, it's the only time that he is not smiling on a constant basis. And the lack of sleep is really starting to get to me now... its OK for him because he spends half the night up and then sleeps at the neighbors house till 11-12 in the morning. Me, on the other hand, I get up at 6 (thank who ever you believe in I no longer start working at 6) to get the bus... then I have a nice 20 min cat nap on the way to work... in the afternoons after a nice health 8 hour work day, I take the bus back, and as I get on, I look around me at the traffic and say thank you when its heavy, because it means at least another hour and a half nap back home!
I never thought about how hard it must of been on my mother to be a single mom... I take my hat off to her! I'll get use to it, that much I know (damn I really hope so!!) but it's hard if you are use to having some one there to help with a clingy sick baby boy... someone to take your child for just 10 min so that you can regroup after 2 hours of none stop crying! Some one who can bring you a reviving cup of coffee at 3 in the morning when the only place your child is willing to sleep is on your shoulder... it's at moments like these that I could really learn to dislike Michelle! Was being a woman really more important than being there for your own child!!! She didn't have to love me... I'm quite use to not being loved for me... but is it truly justifiable for her to say I want to be a woman more than I want to be a father!
But there is no use in crying over spilt milk, and I know I would not have stayed married to Michelle knowing that she wanted to be a woman... even if she was willing to stay a man for her sons sake... And so life goes on and the world keeps spinning, even when my son is ill and the word comes tumbling down round my ears... I will get through this too, I have proven to my self that I can face most anything... Lets just hope the world doesn't decide to prove me wrong yet again!
I feel so helpless when he's sick, it's the only time that he is not smiling on a constant basis. And the lack of sleep is really starting to get to me now... its OK for him because he spends half the night up and then sleeps at the neighbors house till 11-12 in the morning. Me, on the other hand, I get up at 6 (thank who ever you believe in I no longer start working at 6) to get the bus... then I have a nice 20 min cat nap on the way to work... in the afternoons after a nice health 8 hour work day, I take the bus back, and as I get on, I look around me at the traffic and say thank you when its heavy, because it means at least another hour and a half nap back home!
I never thought about how hard it must of been on my mother to be a single mom... I take my hat off to her! I'll get use to it, that much I know (damn I really hope so!!) but it's hard if you are use to having some one there to help with a clingy sick baby boy... someone to take your child for just 10 min so that you can regroup after 2 hours of none stop crying! Some one who can bring you a reviving cup of coffee at 3 in the morning when the only place your child is willing to sleep is on your shoulder... it's at moments like these that I could really learn to dislike Michelle! Was being a woman really more important than being there for your own child!!! She didn't have to love me... I'm quite use to not being loved for me... but is it truly justifiable for her to say I want to be a woman more than I want to be a father!
But there is no use in crying over spilt milk, and I know I would not have stayed married to Michelle knowing that she wanted to be a woman... even if she was willing to stay a man for her sons sake... And so life goes on and the world keeps spinning, even when my son is ill and the word comes tumbling down round my ears... I will get through this too, I have proven to my self that I can face most anything... Lets just hope the world doesn't decide to prove me wrong yet again!
Monday, October 8, 2007
The spiral...
How do you stop yourself from falling? I've seen it before me, the tunnel of darkness and there at the end of the spiral is a light... it calls; it begs me to come closer... I feel safe when I'm looking at it straight on.
It's really odd, I've known the spiral all my life, it’s the darkness that has consumed me from a young age and for a while it was gone and there was a comfortable glow where the darkness was... but it was never true light! From the beginning this was the only way for me to explain my depression to all of the different doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists in my life (there have been a few, to many really) But none of them got it, guess I never really got it myself. There is this break in my personality, this lack of me and knowing who I am.
I see that break very clearly in my mind; it’s the place where the spiral starts... I have gone, at times, so close to the end of this spiral of mine. So close that I could almost hold the peace it offers me to my breast and welcome it in... But the part of me that is not so lacking can not accept it, this eternal peace. The day I found out about Michelle was one of those days where the spiral had led me to its edge... if not for my son sleeping peacefully unaware in his bed; I don't think I would have stepped back from it that day!
But I did, I still don’t know how I did it, but I did. I'm thankful that I did. The problem is that until recently I had convinced myself that I had not stepped over the edge, purely for Triston? But I see now that the burden of my next breath can't be left on his shoulders, I have to want to live... for me, so that I can be complete for him! My son is my world, he is the reason I don't hate and crumble. He is my light!
I want to live now; I want to breathe for me, for who I am and who I can be! I'm strong, I've always know that I am... but it’s only when I need to be strong for others that I can truly show this strength in me... So I thought, having this need to be strong now, that I can be strong for Michelle and Triston... I was wrong, Michelle needs to be strong for herself now and Triston needs to see my strength, not my strength for him but my strength for myself, so that he can learn to be strong for himself one day.
I lay awake at night thinking about my spiral and the next time I will be faced with it... but no, I don't think I will allow it to take hold of me again. It has taken me 20 years to want to live for myself and no one els. This does not mean that I want to be alone and spend the rest of my life without love... it means that I'm strong enough to love, not just someone ells but myself! I use to look and see this stranger in my place making choices that affect me, but making them for others. Sacrificing my own happiness so that others might feel better about themselves. No more! How can I love my son to the fullest if I cant love my self even a little, so now I make the choice to be happy, to enjoy the thing offered to me in life, to enjoy the company of others without wondering what they want from me, how I can make there life's better.
I have been smiling again, so much so my face hurts! I have been laughing again, so much so my sides hurt... and I wouldn't change it for the world! I feel the spiral there and for some reason it no longer looks as dark, bleak and lifeless... I see my self falling as I have always seen it, but this time the spiral is not going down to eternal peace but up to ultimate joy. And even if I don't reach the end of this spiral of joy... I'm enjoying the ride!
It's really odd, I've known the spiral all my life, it’s the darkness that has consumed me from a young age and for a while it was gone and there was a comfortable glow where the darkness was... but it was never true light! From the beginning this was the only way for me to explain my depression to all of the different doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists in my life (there have been a few, to many really) But none of them got it, guess I never really got it myself. There is this break in my personality, this lack of me and knowing who I am.
I see that break very clearly in my mind; it’s the place where the spiral starts... I have gone, at times, so close to the end of this spiral of mine. So close that I could almost hold the peace it offers me to my breast and welcome it in... But the part of me that is not so lacking can not accept it, this eternal peace. The day I found out about Michelle was one of those days where the spiral had led me to its edge... if not for my son sleeping peacefully unaware in his bed; I don't think I would have stepped back from it that day!
But I did, I still don’t know how I did it, but I did. I'm thankful that I did. The problem is that until recently I had convinced myself that I had not stepped over the edge, purely for Triston? But I see now that the burden of my next breath can't be left on his shoulders, I have to want to live... for me, so that I can be complete for him! My son is my world, he is the reason I don't hate and crumble. He is my light!
I want to live now; I want to breathe for me, for who I am and who I can be! I'm strong, I've always know that I am... but it’s only when I need to be strong for others that I can truly show this strength in me... So I thought, having this need to be strong now, that I can be strong for Michelle and Triston... I was wrong, Michelle needs to be strong for herself now and Triston needs to see my strength, not my strength for him but my strength for myself, so that he can learn to be strong for himself one day.
I lay awake at night thinking about my spiral and the next time I will be faced with it... but no, I don't think I will allow it to take hold of me again. It has taken me 20 years to want to live for myself and no one els. This does not mean that I want to be alone and spend the rest of my life without love... it means that I'm strong enough to love, not just someone ells but myself! I use to look and see this stranger in my place making choices that affect me, but making them for others. Sacrificing my own happiness so that others might feel better about themselves. No more! How can I love my son to the fullest if I cant love my self even a little, so now I make the choice to be happy, to enjoy the thing offered to me in life, to enjoy the company of others without wondering what they want from me, how I can make there life's better.
I have been smiling again, so much so my face hurts! I have been laughing again, so much so my sides hurt... and I wouldn't change it for the world! I feel the spiral there and for some reason it no longer looks as dark, bleak and lifeless... I see my self falling as I have always seen it, but this time the spiral is not going down to eternal peace but up to ultimate joy. And even if I don't reach the end of this spiral of joy... I'm enjoying the ride!
Thursday, October 4, 2007
OK so I stand corrected!
So there seem to be some good men left out there...lol... though they seem to be few and far between! I had a date with the guy that kept me company on the date from hell last night, and I can't remember having a better time in the last year! (though it wouldn't take much to beat the last 2 months...lol)
I will not go into detail. But he is the type of guy who opens doors and lets you walk in first... in other words he is a gentleman (though I don't think he sees himself in this light)... I don't mean this in the boring sense that most woman these days think when they hear the word gentleman! I mean he knows how to treat a woman!
But what carried more weight with me was meeting his son and seeing the love there! There is nothing more hart warming than seeing a father and son together... bitter sweet in my case as I know Triston will never have that with his dad! But still great to see... and what a beautiful child!
OK no more on the subject.... I just wanted to tell all my ghost readers that some where out there are still a few good men!
;-)
I will not go into detail. But he is the type of guy who opens doors and lets you walk in first... in other words he is a gentleman (though I don't think he sees himself in this light)... I don't mean this in the boring sense that most woman these days think when they hear the word gentleman! I mean he knows how to treat a woman!
But what carried more weight with me was meeting his son and seeing the love there! There is nothing more hart warming than seeing a father and son together... bitter sweet in my case as I know Triston will never have that with his dad! But still great to see... and what a beautiful child!
OK no more on the subject.... I just wanted to tell all my ghost readers that some where out there are still a few good men!
;-)
Monday, October 1, 2007
My baby boy is almost not a Baby anymore!!
OK on to things positive!
I was looking at my son when I came home after work today... his granny had put him in the tub early because he was looking tired. And the pure joy of splashing in the tub was shining out of his eyes! Being able to take the cloth and through it out of the tub seemed to be the best thing in the world!
But back to the point... My son is growing up to quickly!! I love the age his at now... words get stung together and they have meaning all of the sudden. And saying them long and hard enough gets the desired result... like "mine" if you say mine long and hard enough it will always become yours! wish life was so simple...
Triston has a set way of doing things! At 5:30 he comes and take my hand and his grannies and takes us to the only space big enough in the house... Then we have to play "ring'a ring'a rosies" and "the hokie pokie" He LOVES this! Will do it for hours on end! Then when we all fall down he tackles us on the floor, or we tackle him... and then its reading time!!! What a joy it is to look at him and see the understanding in his eyes!
I really cant see how people cant spend quality time with there kids! Triston goes to bed at 7 and from 5:30 to 7 its HIS time! If it means dinner has to wait and the washing doesn't get done on time then so be it! He is my gift and what time I have to spend with him I will! Regardless of what ells is going on in my life Triston is always the center of my world! All things pale in comparison to my sons smile, all thing melt away when he throws his arms open to greet me with a kiss, snotty nose and all!
Love your children for if you don't they wont feel worthy of love in years to come!!!
I was looking at my son when I came home after work today... his granny had put him in the tub early because he was looking tired. And the pure joy of splashing in the tub was shining out of his eyes! Being able to take the cloth and through it out of the tub seemed to be the best thing in the world!
But back to the point... My son is growing up to quickly!! I love the age his at now... words get stung together and they have meaning all of the sudden. And saying them long and hard enough gets the desired result... like "mine" if you say mine long and hard enough it will always become yours! wish life was so simple...
Triston has a set way of doing things! At 5:30 he comes and take my hand and his grannies and takes us to the only space big enough in the house... Then we have to play "ring'a ring'a rosies" and "the hokie pokie" He LOVES this! Will do it for hours on end! Then when we all fall down he tackles us on the floor, or we tackle him... and then its reading time!!! What a joy it is to look at him and see the understanding in his eyes!
I really cant see how people cant spend quality time with there kids! Triston goes to bed at 7 and from 5:30 to 7 its HIS time! If it means dinner has to wait and the washing doesn't get done on time then so be it! He is my gift and what time I have to spend with him I will! Regardless of what ells is going on in my life Triston is always the center of my world! All things pale in comparison to my sons smile, all thing melt away when he throws his arms open to greet me with a kiss, snotty nose and all!
Love your children for if you don't they wont feel worthy of love in years to come!!!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Singel life...
Where to start... I met my ex husband when I was still at school and moved in with him as soon as it was possible... I have never in my life had a real date! Pathetic I know, but when your young and in love... a movie and pizza at home will satisfy your every dream...lol.
As a result I have decided that now I will try out this whole dating thing, and see what all the fuss is about!
So Mr. met me on a bus... and started jokingly to ask for my number, and me being the trusting person I am, I gave it to him... then he starts asking me out, to go to a local pub, yet again me being the trusting person I am, I agree!!!
So on D-day he comes to pick me up at home... with a John Sina shirt and 3/4 denim on (first clue of things to come) I just smile and we go... on the way there he informs me that two other "girls" would be joining us (second clue). We get there and he starts chatting to all around, OK I think... he is just friendly. But after trying to start a conversation for the 4th time I just gave up... as he was incapable of answering one question without shouting HI! to the person behind me.
Then the two other "girls" arrive and they are both as old or older than my mother!!(third clue)
OK so now what to do... so I start chatting with a friend of his... just chatting! We get along and so the night goes on, with Mr. having a grand time with the "girls" and me talking to his friend about our kids and so on... then the "girls" realise that the clock has struck 10 and they need to be in bed... and low and behold I exist again! Now Mr. gets pissy because I'm chatting with the friend and not him...BTW he knew about my ex, and decided to play the hero. Tells his friend that, boy o boy this girl (meaning me) has had a lot of hurt and he will... ummm there is no word as foul as the one he used... the guy who hurts me!
I get angry and decide to go outside for air, he follows me and tells me how HE will protect me from all men and how great he thinks I am...lol. I told him that I was not looking for a champion just a date... which he was not! I told him to go back inside so I could cool down, when I went back he tells me to get my things he was taking me home! Well OK then, I was more than ready to go home! So he storms out ahead of me and I call him back asking why he was angry when it was me who had to stare at the roof the whole time! Not that I did...lol.
He storms back to me and decided in his drunkenness that me calling him back meant I felt something for him, and tries to stuff his tong down me throat! And grope me!!! So there goes my temper again and the can of coke in my hand goes sailing through the air on its own accord ;-) and makes a nice and satisfying explosion! And now its my turn to storm off ahead of him... he caught up to me at the entrance of my building and professed his undying love to me... told me how he wouldn't want to take my sons fathers place but that he wanted to be there for us! OK so there sweet words... but then miss timing happens again and he thinks this is yet again a good time to try to stuff his tong down my throat! BAD MOVE PAL. And I slammed the door in his face!
So now I ask you... what is the use in dating when you have to date THAT?!? I don't get it, is it because I'm divorced... do men think as a result of me having been with a man before that I'll be easy?!? OK yes so I've been with a man, does that mean I don't want to be treated like the woman I am?!? That I'm a piece of used meat and one more won't matter?!?
Damn I hope not!!! I hope there are still guys out there who know how to treat a woman with respect! Who know that the fact that I have been married only means that I have had a live before meeting them and that it also means that I come with baggage... that in my case has made me insecure, and has lowered my self esteem so much that I almost have none to speak of... But also to know that I might not have much self esteem but I still have allot of self respect!
Just me hoping!!
As a result I have decided that now I will try out this whole dating thing, and see what all the fuss is about!
So Mr. met me on a bus... and started jokingly to ask for my number, and me being the trusting person I am, I gave it to him... then he starts asking me out, to go to a local pub, yet again me being the trusting person I am, I agree!!!
So on D-day he comes to pick me up at home... with a John Sina shirt and 3/4 denim on (first clue of things to come) I just smile and we go... on the way there he informs me that two other "girls" would be joining us (second clue). We get there and he starts chatting to all around, OK I think... he is just friendly. But after trying to start a conversation for the 4th time I just gave up... as he was incapable of answering one question without shouting HI! to the person behind me.
Then the two other "girls" arrive and they are both as old or older than my mother!!(third clue)
OK so now what to do... so I start chatting with a friend of his... just chatting! We get along and so the night goes on, with Mr. having a grand time with the "girls" and me talking to his friend about our kids and so on... then the "girls" realise that the clock has struck 10 and they need to be in bed... and low and behold I exist again! Now Mr. gets pissy because I'm chatting with the friend and not him...BTW he knew about my ex, and decided to play the hero. Tells his friend that, boy o boy this girl (meaning me) has had a lot of hurt and he will... ummm there is no word as foul as the one he used... the guy who hurts me!
I get angry and decide to go outside for air, he follows me and tells me how HE will protect me from all men and how great he thinks I am...lol. I told him that I was not looking for a champion just a date... which he was not! I told him to go back inside so I could cool down, when I went back he tells me to get my things he was taking me home! Well OK then, I was more than ready to go home! So he storms out ahead of me and I call him back asking why he was angry when it was me who had to stare at the roof the whole time! Not that I did...lol.
He storms back to me and decided in his drunkenness that me calling him back meant I felt something for him, and tries to stuff his tong down me throat! And grope me!!! So there goes my temper again and the can of coke in my hand goes sailing through the air on its own accord ;-) and makes a nice and satisfying explosion! And now its my turn to storm off ahead of him... he caught up to me at the entrance of my building and professed his undying love to me... told me how he wouldn't want to take my sons fathers place but that he wanted to be there for us! OK so there sweet words... but then miss timing happens again and he thinks this is yet again a good time to try to stuff his tong down my throat! BAD MOVE PAL. And I slammed the door in his face!
So now I ask you... what is the use in dating when you have to date THAT?!? I don't get it, is it because I'm divorced... do men think as a result of me having been with a man before that I'll be easy?!? OK yes so I've been with a man, does that mean I don't want to be treated like the woman I am?!? That I'm a piece of used meat and one more won't matter?!?
Damn I hope not!!! I hope there are still guys out there who know how to treat a woman with respect! Who know that the fact that I have been married only means that I have had a live before meeting them and that it also means that I come with baggage... that in my case has made me insecure, and has lowered my self esteem so much that I almost have none to speak of... But also to know that I might not have much self esteem but I still have allot of self respect!
Just me hoping!!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
And the world comes tumbling down
The last few of months have been hell for me!
It seems like the only times I blog is when things turn black... but its a way to get my thoughts out and on paper... if you know what I mean.
My husband told me on the 8 the of august that he is trans gendered and would like to become the woman he thinks he has always been inside!
...OK end the ten minute silence...
My husband is now my soon to be ex and we will remain friends but as you can imagine it has not been a easy time for me. I have had to deal with seeing him in full dress with makeup and though I know the process is a long one I don't think i will ever be ready for it to happen! Michelle(my ex chose this name when he was 10) is a good father and will remain a good parent to Triston, I just hope my son will come through this unharmed (though i don't know if that's realistic as children are cruel when very young) How do I one day explain to him that his father no longer wanted to be a dad, husband, man! Will he be able to cope with it all! He is still very young and will be OK for the time being ... But what happens when he goes to school and the other children hear about his dad who is now like a aunt to him, for he only has one mom...ME... I will support where I can but draw the line there my son will not call Michelle mom, over my dead body!!!
I have so much anger and I am dealing with it with the help of a great doc! But I feel more pity than hate for Michelle, I know it might not have been a choice to be who and how she/he is but I do feel it was a choice to marry me and have a child together... but you know how they say hind site is 20/20.
I see it this way I can hate and feel sorry for myself all I want but that will only make me a bitter person! Or I can support a friend who is going through a hard time... and feel that I'm doing the right and descent thing! I make the CHOICE not to be bitter or hateful. And I know through doing that I become a better person and parent to my son...
OK byee for now... or till the next episode of my soap opera life begins.
It seems like the only times I blog is when things turn black... but its a way to get my thoughts out and on paper... if you know what I mean.
My husband told me on the 8 the of august that he is trans gendered and would like to become the woman he thinks he has always been inside!
...OK end the ten minute silence...
My husband is now my soon to be ex and we will remain friends but as you can imagine it has not been a easy time for me. I have had to deal with seeing him in full dress with makeup and though I know the process is a long one I don't think i will ever be ready for it to happen! Michelle(my ex chose this name when he was 10) is a good father and will remain a good parent to Triston, I just hope my son will come through this unharmed (though i don't know if that's realistic as children are cruel when very young) How do I one day explain to him that his father no longer wanted to be a dad, husband, man! Will he be able to cope with it all! He is still very young and will be OK for the time being ... But what happens when he goes to school and the other children hear about his dad who is now like a aunt to him, for he only has one mom...ME... I will support where I can but draw the line there my son will not call Michelle mom, over my dead body!!!
I have so much anger and I am dealing with it with the help of a great doc! But I feel more pity than hate for Michelle, I know it might not have been a choice to be who and how she/he is but I do feel it was a choice to marry me and have a child together... but you know how they say hind site is 20/20.
I see it this way I can hate and feel sorry for myself all I want but that will only make me a bitter person! Or I can support a friend who is going through a hard time... and feel that I'm doing the right and descent thing! I make the CHOICE not to be bitter or hateful. And I know through doing that I become a better person and parent to my son...
OK byee for now... or till the next episode of my soap opera life begins.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Yet again long time no blog
Happy Happy Happy. My baby boy is thriving, his little lungs are getting better by the day! Now that all is well with him I can breath again...
It is amazing the thing you think about in times where you are not sure if tomorrow will come. I kept thinking, what if I cant take him to his first day at school... or see him finish school...or what if I never go through the joys and sorrows of life by his side. But on the other side of you brain you think, his a fighter - I'll still have all those things with him - my child wont die before me it just can't happen I wont let it...
My baby was lucky he pulled through, he is a fighter. But out there, there are so many mothers and fathers who go through those same thoughts...and the outcome is so different! My hart bleeds for all parents out there who have lost a child or children. No parent should outlive there children. Know that though my baby boy pulled through I remember those thoughts and fears and will most likely remember them till the day I die!
This is my silent salute to all parents who have loved and lost!!!
It is amazing the thing you think about in times where you are not sure if tomorrow will come. I kept thinking, what if I cant take him to his first day at school... or see him finish school...or what if I never go through the joys and sorrows of life by his side. But on the other side of you brain you think, his a fighter - I'll still have all those things with him - my child wont die before me it just can't happen I wont let it...
My baby was lucky he pulled through, he is a fighter. But out there, there are so many mothers and fathers who go through those same thoughts...and the outcome is so different! My hart bleeds for all parents out there who have lost a child or children. No parent should outlive there children. Know that though my baby boy pulled through I remember those thoughts and fears and will most likely remember them till the day I die!
This is my silent salute to all parents who have loved and lost!!!
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
My baby boy is home!!!
After ten days in hospital my baby boy is home!! He will need extra care for the next 3 month but at least we can do that for him from home. We can officially open a chemist, from the amount of meds in this house.
But be that as it may HIS HOME!!!!!!
This will be a short entry as I want to spend as much time as possible with my boy.
But be that as it may HIS HOME!!!!!!
This will be a short entry as I want to spend as much time as possible with my boy.
Friday, June 1, 2007
This has been the hardest week of my life...
Yet again it has been some time since i last bloged... But this has really been one of the hardest weeks of my life. When Triston was born things went very wrong, he was 6 weeks prem and as a result he had hart and lung complications. Now almost 18 months after the fact he is very ill because of his weak lungs.
On Monday we took him to the doctor because he had a horrible cough and high fever, the doctor said that he only had a throat infection and gave us some medicine for the cough and to break the fever. (all this happened at about 4 in the afternoon) His fever had not broken by 6 so I called the doctor again, he asked who Tristons paediatrician was and told me that he would phone the pead and that I should call him back in half an hour.
5 minutes later HE called ME and told me to take Triston to the hospital and that the pead is waiting there for us. The pead gave Triston a look over and told us it might be Bronchitis and that he would have to stay in hospital for at least 3 nights. They took samples and poked at him, and by Tuesday he was diagnosed with RS Virus. His doctor told me that most children get RS before the age of 2 1/2 but because Triston was a Prem baby with lung complications it is very severe and they had to put him on permanent oxygen. He is slowly but surely getting better but they cant get him weaned from the oxygen, the moment they take him off, his levels drop dramatically.
Triston is still in hospital and will most likely have to stay there for 10 to 13 days. Seeing my child lying there and wanting to go home brakes my hart, he knows that at night after he gets his meds we leave. So he clings to us with all his might but the tiredness wins in the end and then I have to leave my baby boy in the care of others... At least I could stay with him after he was born and while he was still in NI CU they had a bed for me and I could see him any time, day or night.
This has truly been the hardest and longest week of my life.
On Monday we took him to the doctor because he had a horrible cough and high fever, the doctor said that he only had a throat infection and gave us some medicine for the cough and to break the fever. (all this happened at about 4 in the afternoon) His fever had not broken by 6 so I called the doctor again, he asked who Tristons paediatrician was and told me that he would phone the pead and that I should call him back in half an hour.
5 minutes later HE called ME and told me to take Triston to the hospital and that the pead is waiting there for us. The pead gave Triston a look over and told us it might be Bronchitis and that he would have to stay in hospital for at least 3 nights. They took samples and poked at him, and by Tuesday he was diagnosed with RS Virus. His doctor told me that most children get RS before the age of 2 1/2 but because Triston was a Prem baby with lung complications it is very severe and they had to put him on permanent oxygen. He is slowly but surely getting better but they cant get him weaned from the oxygen, the moment they take him off, his levels drop dramatically.
Triston is still in hospital and will most likely have to stay there for 10 to 13 days. Seeing my child lying there and wanting to go home brakes my hart, he knows that at night after he gets his meds we leave. So he clings to us with all his might but the tiredness wins in the end and then I have to leave my baby boy in the care of others... At least I could stay with him after he was born and while he was still in NI CU they had a bed for me and I could see him any time, day or night.
This has truly been the hardest and longest week of my life.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I love the Internet!
Eons ago, before the net, how did we meet people?
You where compelled to know your nabour, you socialized with your fellow employees and you knew all the moms at your kids school...not being the type that wants to know my nabours (they tend to be nosey) and having only one fellow employee who is a single Muslim male (and very religious, which I am not) my options for a friendship ring decreases quiet a bit!
My husband and I are not social butterflies, as the only way to meet people of our age in SA is going to clubs or church. Like I said I'm not a religious person so church is out and we can't stand the noise in clubs. So we fell into a nice comfortable life with enough friend to count on one hand. It really never bothered us, we had all we needed in each other, friendship, companionship and love.
Then one day I stumbled upon a Internet game... and got hooked in about 10 seconds... I have in the last month and a half met people from all over the world! People that I would never, never, never have met if it wasn't for the net. Here, in a place so unexpected I have met friends, people who I can talk to without judgement. People who live separate life's to mine, who can't overstay there welcome, who can laugh at themselves and at life.
How could I explain the joy of knowing that even if life goes horrid for me, I can just hop on the net and go and talk to people about totally unrelated things to get my mind off it.
I love the net!
You where compelled to know your nabour, you socialized with your fellow employees and you knew all the moms at your kids school...not being the type that wants to know my nabours (they tend to be nosey) and having only one fellow employee who is a single Muslim male (and very religious, which I am not) my options for a friendship ring decreases quiet a bit!
My husband and I are not social butterflies, as the only way to meet people of our age in SA is going to clubs or church. Like I said I'm not a religious person so church is out and we can't stand the noise in clubs. So we fell into a nice comfortable life with enough friend to count on one hand. It really never bothered us, we had all we needed in each other, friendship, companionship and love.
Then one day I stumbled upon a Internet game... and got hooked in about 10 seconds... I have in the last month and a half met people from all over the world! People that I would never, never, never have met if it wasn't for the net. Here, in a place so unexpected I have met friends, people who I can talk to without judgement. People who live separate life's to mine, who can't overstay there welcome, who can laugh at themselves and at life.
How could I explain the joy of knowing that even if life goes horrid for me, I can just hop on the net and go and talk to people about totally unrelated things to get my mind off it.
I love the net!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Naughty me
Naughty naughty me! Soo sorry I have neglected my blog horribly!
But I have been on a yo-yo ride for the last couple of weeks...
First my laptop broke down and it took forever to get it fixed.
Second is that my son Triston decided that he wants his maulers and he wants them NOW... it took 3 weeks for one of these monsters to come out and then over night there was 3 of the big buggers!!! My hart bled for him, he looked like someone had stuck smarties (like M&M's) in his gums and he was soooo miserable for the entire 3 weeks it took for them to come out.
He now has a grand total of 11 teeth. And he is a sunshine child yet again, with a smile to match any sunrise. And boy o boy is he growing up to fast, he's 17 months now and has been wearing clothes for 18-24 from 15 months. It's not because his obese his just so tall, he really takes after his father more and more every day. He's vocabulary is also increasing daily he can now ask for his food...kossies, his tee...teeeeee, his milk...mimi and his bath...badda! Well that is as close to what he says as i can get but we know what he is saying and he says it with meaning :)
I'll try my best not to neglect my blog for so long again...
But I have been on a yo-yo ride for the last couple of weeks...
First my laptop broke down and it took forever to get it fixed.
Second is that my son Triston decided that he wants his maulers and he wants them NOW... it took 3 weeks for one of these monsters to come out and then over night there was 3 of the big buggers!!! My hart bled for him, he looked like someone had stuck smarties (like M&M's) in his gums and he was soooo miserable for the entire 3 weeks it took for them to come out.
He now has a grand total of 11 teeth. And he is a sunshine child yet again, with a smile to match any sunrise. And boy o boy is he growing up to fast, he's 17 months now and has been wearing clothes for 18-24 from 15 months. It's not because his obese his just so tall, he really takes after his father more and more every day. He's vocabulary is also increasing daily he can now ask for his food...kossies, his tee...teeeeee, his milk...mimi and his bath...badda! Well that is as close to what he says as i can get but we know what he is saying and he says it with meaning :)
I'll try my best not to neglect my blog for so long again...
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Sorry long time no see!
My laptop blew its mother board and it took a while to get a replacement... and I'm still waiting... for the time being I'm tipping very carefully, this THING I'm currently using assisted Noah with counting the animals as they boarded the ark. Soooo it's delicate very very delicate! If I bump it it goes off or hangs... I'm still waiting for the flames to start coming out!!!
Other than my LT dilemma, all is just about the same, Triston is still quite ill but getting better. And now I'm going to log off before this thing blows up...
Other than my LT dilemma, all is just about the same, Triston is still quite ill but getting better. And now I'm going to log off before this thing blows up...
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Hell, what a day...
...I haven't slept in 24 hours! Triston is sick...very sick.
yesterday afternoon when he woke up from his nap he felt a bit warm, so I took his temperature and it was a bit high. I put him in a luke warm bath and let him play for a while. After a hour I took his temp again it dropped a bit but still was not normal. I kept a close eye on him for the rest of the day, he was a bit cranky but nothing more.
We put him to bed at his normal time and he slept with out a problem till about 11. THEN he woke up with a bang and a temp that was wayyyyy to high. I called the hospital who told me to give him a suppository and if his temp doesn't drop in an hour to take him to the emergency room.
Luckily it did drop some, but yet again still not back to normal. and for the rest of the night he slept for 45min segments!!!
I start work before the crack of dawn! Literally, I have to get up very early to be at work by 6 am. Soooooo, hell what a day, with all the public holidays coming up were swamped at work and I have to really keep my head to make sure no mistakes slip in... a very difficult task when you start seeing double out of pure fatigue!
And yet here a am wide awake and not able to fall asleep! While Triston is far away in la-la land...life is so unfair!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
What a month!
It's amazing how having a child ups your social status. I don't know what causes it, but since Tristons birth we suddenly have a lot of "things" to do!
We have not spent a single Saturday at home this month... the first weekend Triston had to attend a birthday party, the second we had to attend a kitchen tea, the third was a wedding and then finally this weekend we had to attend another birthday party! I'm worn out and need my sleep!!!
On top of all this activity Triston decides that now is a good time to get his molars!! So we have to be in a hundred different places with a cranky and very irritated toddler...
Sounds like a lot of fun right. I think we might have gone through a kg of biltong (beef jerky) in the last week... I refuse to use teething gels, so we just give him something hard like biltong or something cold like a ice lolly, to help him chew through the pain and if it gets really bad we give him some infant paracetamol.
If you have any other teething advice (well if anybody reads this) your advice will be Very Very welcome. 3 of the little buggers are trying to come out at the same time!!!!
This pick was yet again taken on his birthday (ignore the date I didn't know how to set it right) he cut 4 teeth in 2 weeks and nearly lived on ice lollies.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Who was Jesus?
Someone sent this e-mail to my mother, I thought it was hilarious! Take it with a light hart people and please no negative messages- IT'S A JOKE!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with his meals.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments the Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a WOMAN:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was work to do.
AMEN!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with his meals.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments the Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a WOMAN:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was work to do.
AMEN!
Monday, March 26, 2007
Sick as dogs?
I never could figure out the saying "sick as a dog"... but I think I get it now!
Triston and I both have a cold and thus both our noses are wet as a dogs. I guess I had to prepared myself for the illnesses as Triston is now attending PS, but I sort off forgot! I always read in magazines that children get up to 15 colds and flu's a year and counted myself lucky that in his long life of 15 months his only had the flu once, a cold once and the rota virus twice.
Well he also had chickenpox but for that one I was thank full, the older they get the worst it affects them. He had a grand total of 20 spots. The only bad part is that he got it right on his birthday and being a considered woman, I called all family and friends to worn them, soooo nearly no one came and those that came didn't bring there kids along, and I was stuck with the sick toddler on a sugar high!!
But that's enough complaining... well maybe not yet,
GOD I FEEL STUFFY!!!Getting my med's and going right to bed now....
This was taken on his birthday party. You wouldn't know he was sick! The way he stuffed the sweets in, poor baby!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Cars, what would we do with out them?
About 6 months ago we bought a car, from a friend of the family! As you might guess this was a big mistake... 2 days after we got the #$%^& car the battery went, then the radiator, then the timing chain, then the alternator, the wipers stop working, the hooter didn't hoot and the window winder broke.
And every time something big brakes, my poor husband was driving to work on the highway, in the middle of one of the hottest summers I can remember, he had to sit on the side of the road no cafe in sight and wait for 2-4 hours. He was recently promoted too manager of his own branch... what a great time to get stuck on the highway!
Sooooo, for the last 6 months we have been fixing things on that car on a monthly basses and while every thing broke, they still try to steel it 3 times, the third time they did it in broad daylight in front of our flats, aaaand broke the ignition!
Service it to say, we hold no affection for the piece of scrap!!! But there is a light at the end of the tunnel we got ourselves a new car (well not NEW but BETTER). We have to go in tomorrow to sign the final papers and then we can drive off into the sunset... lets hope.
If this car brakes down on the highway, I have given my husband permission to through a match into the petrol tank!!
And every time something big brakes, my poor husband was driving to work on the highway, in the middle of one of the hottest summers I can remember, he had to sit on the side of the road no cafe in sight and wait for 2-4 hours. He was recently promoted too manager of his own branch... what a great time to get stuck on the highway!
Sooooo, for the last 6 months we have been fixing things on that car on a monthly basses and while every thing broke, they still try to steel it 3 times, the third time they did it in broad daylight in front of our flats, aaaand broke the ignition!
Service it to say, we hold no affection for the piece of scrap!!! But there is a light at the end of the tunnel we got ourselves a new car (well not NEW but BETTER). We have to go in tomorrow to sign the final papers and then we can drive off into the sunset... lets hope.
If this car brakes down on the highway, I have given my husband permission to through a match into the petrol tank!!
Monday, March 19, 2007
And we made it!
The first day at PS is over and done for. Triston had a ball and I nearly started chewing my nails!
If you have kids in PS you know that first day feeling... you prepare for the worst, the kicking, the screaming, the tears rolling down your face. But then along comes Triston, calm and collected as always, his new teacher, that his only met once for 5 min, opens her arm and he willingly flings himself from my arms in to her waiting embrace.
No "ta-ta mama"! nothing! he was more than willing to stay with her, I was no longer the center of his universe! Shit, even his daddy got a goodbye wave...
When time came to pick him up this afternoon I was, again, ready for the worst... that he didn't want to go home... but my little angel child saw his mommy and daddy and his little face lit up he gave us each a hug and sloppy kiss.
And thus all is right with the world again!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Yes, yes, yes the school search is over!
We've been struggling to find a Pre School for Triston!
We always planed to put him in PS but only at 18 months that leaves us with another 3 months... but... our nanny received a very handsome job offer that pays more and has a lot more perks, I cant keep her back for 3 months when the people need her now, and Triston is showing all signs of readiness.
And so the hunt began, the PS where we had him on a waiting list was not willing to take him sooner ?!? We had to go and look at the other options in our area.
Oh the horror!! We saw a PS with toddler classes mixed with 6 month old babies. The classes where so full that at nap time some of the children have to sleep in the hallway. How can any one woman take care of 30 children ranging from 6 months too 24. Impossible!
I used to be a PS teacher and worked at one of these horror schools for about a year, my class comprised of children between 4 to 6 years and I had 52 children in my class the day I stoped working there. I really loved the kids, but couldn't stand looking at the abuse any more! (I did report them to no avail). The day I decided to leave was the day that one of the other teachers (15 years experience) locked an 18 month old toddler in a cubit because he was to scared to go too sleep on his first full day!!! I notified the parents but they never took him out, saying that it was the only PS they could afford. The police just shrugged and said that unless the parents lay a charge they can't do any thing!
Then we looked at day mothers, I went to look at 2, one seemed fine until I found out, from a friend, that she gives children paracetamol to keep them quite and feeds them dry bread if they don't eat the food she offers (scrambled eggs and sausage). the second day mother I just walked in. No security what so ever. I had a look around and saw a pool, not cove rd or fenced in, the play area was cramped and all jungle gyms where placed on cement! This observation took about 1 min and then I was out of there as fast as possible...
I started to getting depresed, we need to find a place for him in 2 weeks. Then I remembered a PS where a friend's child went. I knew it was a good school as the child was happy and showed no signs of abuse. I gave them a call and... Yes she had place for just one more toddler!!!
Triston starts Monday!
We always planed to put him in PS but only at 18 months that leaves us with another 3 months... but... our nanny received a very handsome job offer that pays more and has a lot more perks, I cant keep her back for 3 months when the people need her now, and Triston is showing all signs of readiness.
And so the hunt began, the PS where we had him on a waiting list was not willing to take him sooner ?!? We had to go and look at the other options in our area.
Oh the horror!! We saw a PS with toddler classes mixed with 6 month old babies. The classes where so full that at nap time some of the children have to sleep in the hallway. How can any one woman take care of 30 children ranging from 6 months too 24. Impossible!
I used to be a PS teacher and worked at one of these horror schools for about a year, my class comprised of children between 4 to 6 years and I had 52 children in my class the day I stoped working there. I really loved the kids, but couldn't stand looking at the abuse any more! (I did report them to no avail). The day I decided to leave was the day that one of the other teachers (15 years experience) locked an 18 month old toddler in a cubit because he was to scared to go too sleep on his first full day!!! I notified the parents but they never took him out, saying that it was the only PS they could afford. The police just shrugged and said that unless the parents lay a charge they can't do any thing!
Then we looked at day mothers, I went to look at 2, one seemed fine until I found out, from a friend, that she gives children paracetamol to keep them quite and feeds them dry bread if they don't eat the food she offers (scrambled eggs and sausage). the second day mother I just walked in. No security what so ever. I had a look around and saw a pool, not cove rd or fenced in, the play area was cramped and all jungle gyms where placed on cement! This observation took about 1 min and then I was out of there as fast as possible...
I started to getting depresed, we need to find a place for him in 2 weeks. Then I remembered a PS where a friend's child went. I knew it was a good school as the child was happy and showed no signs of abuse. I gave them a call and... Yes she had place for just one more toddler!!!
Triston starts Monday!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
A cutting tale
I decided on Sunday that Triston really needed a hair cut... how do you keep a 15 month old to sit still!!!
So my husband and I devised a plan, put food in front of him and wile he is distracted...
Yeah right, like any well made plan involving a toddler, this did NOT happen! So we waited while he decorated the floor with noodles and then grab bundles of hair and HACKED it off.
Lucky for us Triston has very curly hair at the back of his head so no one can see the mess we made of it! (unless his hair is wet, SHIT we have a pool party to go to on Saturday!!!!!!!!)
But I must admit it looks kind of cute, he doesn't look babyish any more, he looks like a naughty little boy now. I don't have a pic now but will post one as soon as possible.
This pic
was taken on his birthday.
You can see the hair on top of his head is straight but the hair at the back curls.
So my husband and I devised a plan, put food in front of him and wile he is distracted...
Yeah right, like any well made plan involving a toddler, this did NOT happen! So we waited while he decorated the floor with noodles and then grab bundles of hair and HACKED it off.
Lucky for us Triston has very curly hair at the back of his head so no one can see the mess we made of it! (unless his hair is wet, SHIT we have a pool party to go to on Saturday!!!!!!!!)
But I must admit it looks kind of cute, he doesn't look babyish any more, he looks like a naughty little boy now. I don't have a pic now but will post one as soon as possible.
This pic
was taken on his birthday.You can see the hair on top of his head is straight but the hair at the back curls.
Friday, March 9, 2007
VERONICA GELDENHUYS IS MISSING
HELP!!!!
Another girl is missing! Rudolph Geldenhuys's daughter, Veronica, went missing on Monday the 7 of march 2007. He dropped her off at Tuine Tec high school (this is in the same suburb where Sheldean went missing!!!) and she hasn't been seen since. Somebody reportedly saw the 16 year old girl in the Danville, Pretoria.
Please people keep a lookout for her, let us not have another grieving family in our mitts!
If you have any info please contact:
RUDOLPH GELDENHUYS - 0728110999 or his wife 0823517794.
Thank you
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Sleepy baby boy
I know that children need to sleep, but ooooooh what to do when they don't know it!
Triston like a good boy slept till 7 this morning, he had a hardy breakfast and played around a bit. His morning nap usually happens at 9 but when I was done working at 11 he still hadn't slept. My mother and I went to visit my aunt in the hope that he'll nod off on the way there... no luck! We staid until 3 in the afternoon and decided to give the car trip another go! when we reached the corner he was gone!!! It past 5 and his still out... a really doubt that he will wake up before tomorrow morning, and with my luck this will happen at 2 in the morning!
This is Triston knocked out!
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
My little cricket star!
Omelets aren’t they great the only way I can get any sort of veg into Triston is in the disguise of an omelet! he wil eet any sort of meat, chicken, steak and even fish. But the veggies!
The problem is that I read somewhere that toddler’s aren’t allowed to eat eggs more than 4 times a week and then only one at a time. It takes two to make an omelet.
If you happen to stumble upon this blog... totally by accident I’m sure, and know any thing about the egg thing, any and all advice will be welkome.
It’s amazing how they find that iron will so quickly, not even a month ago he would have eaten almost anything I put in front of him, and what he didn't like he would just refuse. Now, if he doesn't like the gourmet meal I prepared for him, he tosses it halfway across the room!
The first time you think "Aaah cute" and have a good giggle with your husband, the second time you tolerate it... but the third time.... "No, triston no!!!"... And now they think mommy thinks it’s cute, “Let’s do it with this too.”
Oooo what joy, I’ve created a monster, or the next cricket star bowler. Who knows?
The problem is that I read somewhere that toddler’s aren’t allowed to eat eggs more than 4 times a week and then only one at a time. It takes two to make an omelet.
If you happen to stumble upon this blog... totally by accident I’m sure, and know any thing about the egg thing, any and all advice will be welkome.
It’s amazing how they find that iron will so quickly, not even a month ago he would have eaten almost anything I put in front of him, and what he didn't like he would just refuse. Now, if he doesn't like the gourmet meal I prepared for him, he tosses it halfway across the room!
The first time you think "Aaah cute" and have a good giggle with your husband, the second time you tolerate it... but the third time.... "No, triston no!!!"... And now they think mommy thinks it’s cute, “Let’s do it with this too.”
Oooo what joy, I’ve created a monster, or the next cricket star bowler. Who knows?
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Sheldean Human has been found...
The little girl Sheldean Human was found last night... dead. Her little body was found behind the Tshwane Fresh Produce Market, where I work. The man that took little Sheldean from the loving arms of her parents led the police to her body.
To all the people who loved this little girl my hart go out to you, it is my hope that the arms of Love will protect and comfort you in your time of need.
We, as South Africans and all the other people of this world need to stand together; we need to protect our children from people like this man. An example should be set and the message must be put out there that we will not tolerate someone that puts the lives of our children, and our future, in danger.
Sheldean put a name and face to all the children that go missing in the world, this is not a SA problem; it's the problem of the global village. Let us stand together to protect our children!
Sheldean, may you find your place in haven and the angels keep you save!
To all the people who loved this little girl my hart go out to you, it is my hope that the arms of Love will protect and comfort you in your time of need.
We, as South Africans and all the other people of this world need to stand together; we need to protect our children from people like this man. An example should be set and the message must be put out there that we will not tolerate someone that puts the lives of our children, and our future, in danger.
Sheldean put a name and face to all the children that go missing in the world, this is not a SA problem; it's the problem of the global village. Let us stand together to protect our children!
Sheldean, may you find your place in haven and the angels keep you save!
Monday, March 5, 2007
It's bed time
Aren't kids great!
You let them run all over the place and all over you, you start to feel so frustrated because they want an "uppie" while you try to make them dinner.
And then when you relent and pick them up. They give you a sloppy wet kiss and a big smile... melt!
My hart turns to butter when ever he gives me one of those ( almost all there) pearly white smiles.
Children are the joy that makes the world go round!
My son is the most precious gift we ever received and nearly loosing him at birth just made him so much more special to us. Every morning when he wakes us, even if it's 3 o'clock, we think...yes, that's our son!... he is one of those miracle children that rarely wakes up crying.
In fact if I think about it except for being very sick at birth he has only really been sick twice, both times with the Rota virus. Other than that, the sniffles, snot and teething have went by quite smoothly. (knock on wood) So we really do feel blessed, our son is a healthy, active, active, active, active 15 month old.
While we were in the NICU after Tristons birth I truly became aware of the bond you feel with your child, people told me that having a c-section made bonding with your baby difficult and then having your child put in NICU made it worst. I completely disagree, the time I spent next to him made me realize how helpless he was and that it was up to me and his father to take him out into the world and help him to make something of this short time we've been given on earth. That made me feel so close to him, there is nothing we wouldn't do for our son.
Now that I've rambled on and on and on... it's time for bed...
You let them run all over the place and all over you, you start to feel so frustrated because they want an "uppie" while you try to make them dinner.
And then when you relent and pick them up. They give you a sloppy wet kiss and a big smile... melt!
My hart turns to butter when ever he gives me one of those ( almost all there) pearly white smiles.
Children are the joy that makes the world go round!
My son is the most precious gift we ever received and nearly loosing him at birth just made him so much more special to us. Every morning when he wakes us, even if it's 3 o'clock, we think...yes, that's our son!... he is one of those miracle children that rarely wakes up crying.
In fact if I think about it except for being very sick at birth he has only really been sick twice, both times with the Rota virus. Other than that, the sniffles, snot and teething have went by quite smoothly. (knock on wood) So we really do feel blessed, our son is a healthy, active, active, active, active 15 month old.
While we were in the NICU after Tristons birth I truly became aware of the bond you feel with your child, people told me that having a c-section made bonding with your baby difficult and then having your child put in NICU made it worst. I completely disagree, the time I spent next to him made me realize how helpless he was and that it was up to me and his father to take him out into the world and help him to make something of this short time we've been given on earth. That made me feel so close to him, there is nothing we wouldn't do for our son.
Now that I've rambled on and on and on... it's time for bed...
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Sheldean Human needs all our help!!!
Children should be seen and not hurt -->IDENTIKITS AND OTHER PHOTOS
DEAR FRIEND / COLLEAGUE / CARING PARENT
After the recent dissapearance of Sheldean Human (aged 7) from her garden at Pretoria Gardens, the community has been very involved in praying, searching and supporting the family.As a community, it is devastating for us to have our kids go missing, and we all pray for their safe return. We support the police in their search, and wish to show our support to them, but also cry out against this horrible thing that is happening to our kids, accross the country.To demostrate our active involvement and concern, a decision was taken by members of eBlockWatch (http://www.eblockwatch.co.za/) that all its member and fellow South Africans should wear Pink shirts and jeans on Wednesday 28 February 2007 (this is what Sheldean wore the day she went missing). The day was a big success, BUT much more support and publicity is required regarding this subject.THUS, we invite everybody to take part in the second Pink Day (requested by Public demand) on Friday, 9 March 2007. Wear a pink top and jeans, in support of and empathy with Sheldean Human and to show you oppose violence against children.Forward this request to all people you can reach via e-mail, cellphone and mouth-to-mouth.
LIEWE VRIENDIN / KOLLEGA / BESORGDE OUER
Ek is seker dat jy reeds daarvan bewus is dat hierdie pragtige dogtertjie van 7 weggeraak het. Hierdie is 'n tendens wat toeneem, soveel so dat ons pragtige kinders nie meer veilig is nie. Hulle is tog ons toekoms - maar tref dit baie swaar in ons huidige situasie. Sheldean het al die vermiste kinders 'n "gesig" gegee. Sy verteenwoordig die nuwe geslag kinders, wat ons toekoms moet wees. KOM ONS BESKERM HULLE!Daar word tans wyd en syd deur Suid-Afrika gebid, ondersteun en gehoop vir die veilige terug vind van Sheldean. Dit geld ook vir al die ander vermiste kinders.Deur hierdie bewusmakingsveldtog kan ons moontlik baie meer mense daarbuite bewus maak dat ons ook die SAP, vrywilligers en ouers van vermiste kinders ondersteun.'n Groot klomp besorgde ouers en lede van eBlockWatch (http://www.eblockwatch.co.za/) het besluit dat ons op Woensdag 28 Februarie 2007 in stille protes gaan optree deur pienk hemde en denims te dra (dieselfde kleertjies wat Sheldean aangehad het met die dag wat sy verdwyn het). Die dag was baie suksesvol, maar daar is nog baie meer ondersteuning en bewusmaking nodig rakende die saak.DUS het ons besluit om weer op Vrydag 9 Maart 2007 'n Pienk Dag te hou. Trek jou pienk hemp en denim aan om te wys jy staan op teen geweld teen kinders.Dra hierdie versoek oor aan elke moontlike persoon wat jy kan bereik deur jou e-pos, selfoon en mond tot mond.
SUPPORT RECEIVED / ONDERSTEUNERS
We know of the following schools/businesses that are supporting this day. If you are aware of any more, please let us know:Ons weet van die volgende skole/besighede wat hierdie dag ondersteun. As jy weet van enige ander, laat weet ons asseblief:SkoleTuinrand Laerskool (Sheldean se skool)Tuine Laerskool, Laerskool Danie Malan in Pretoria Noord, Centurion Akademie, Bambino Creché – Graaff-Reinet, Bambino Kleuterskool - Orkney, Anzac PrimaryBesighedeMontego Feeds in Graaff-Reinet, Kromberg & Schubart in Brits, JT Software in Centurion, Roestoff, Venter & Kruse Prokureurs in Menlo Park, Wavestone Computers in Pretoria, Rock Building Supplies - Klerksdorp, Triangular Health en Full Circle Health, Bezuidenhout, Van Zyl Prokureurs in Randburg, SAPU Makelaars, Add-sure Makelaars, Dr Samantha Gregory Attorneys, Pretoria News, Tuks FM, Steve Hofmeyer, Take 1 Media in Brakpan, Cosamu Waardeerders, Jubilee Road Nursery school, Vodashop & Vodacom 4U - Brooklyn, Iqcala Retrieval Technologies - Centurion, Amandla Itokolosi - Centurion, Raslouw Selfstorage - Centurion, Cronjé & Kie Versekeringsmakelaars - Waterkloof, Memento Enterprises, Essential Designs – Graaff-Reinet, Leopeng Plumbing & Electrical CC, Bless Eiendomme, SALGA NW, Doves Begrafnisdienste Streekkantoor, Africon Engineering International - Pretoria, Seeff Eiendomme - Centurion, Thuthuka Forestry – Piet Retief, Corporate Financial Solutions, City of Tshwane Kantore - Centurion, The Office Plant – Jhb, AMT (Agricultural Marketing Trends), Pretoria, Scheme Reporting:Triangular Health, Chelsea Civils, Port Elizabeth, Nedbank Retail, Software Testing in Sandton, Solidariteit Helpende Hand Fonds en Solidariteit, Ford Motor Company of Southern Africa and Ford Credit, Spoornet, Pretoria, Private Wealth mangement, V&R Drukkery, Peters Papers, Antalis, Randridge Business Services, TVaal Printers, Advance Printing Company, CDGS
For more up-to-date information on Sheldean, go to
Pink for Sheldean Identikits Pictures of Sheldean Pink Photos Send 'pink e-mail' to a friend Trust Details Poems Links & Downloads E-mail CommentsPienk vir Sheldean Identikits Foto's van Sheldean Pienk foto's Stuur 'pienk e-pos' aan 'n vriend Trust Besonderhede Gedigte Skakels & Dokumente E-pos Terugvoer
DEAR FRIEND / COLLEAGUE / CARING PARENT
After the recent dissapearance of Sheldean Human (aged 7) from her garden at Pretoria Gardens, the community has been very involved in praying, searching and supporting the family.As a community, it is devastating for us to have our kids go missing, and we all pray for their safe return. We support the police in their search, and wish to show our support to them, but also cry out against this horrible thing that is happening to our kids, accross the country.To demostrate our active involvement and concern, a decision was taken by members of eBlockWatch (http://www.eblockwatch.co.za/) that all its member and fellow South Africans should wear Pink shirts and jeans on Wednesday 28 February 2007 (this is what Sheldean wore the day she went missing). The day was a big success, BUT much more support and publicity is required regarding this subject.THUS, we invite everybody to take part in the second Pink Day (requested by Public demand) on Friday, 9 March 2007. Wear a pink top and jeans, in support of and empathy with Sheldean Human and to show you oppose violence against children.Forward this request to all people you can reach via e-mail, cellphone and mouth-to-mouth.
LIEWE VRIENDIN / KOLLEGA / BESORGDE OUER
Ek is seker dat jy reeds daarvan bewus is dat hierdie pragtige dogtertjie van 7 weggeraak het. Hierdie is 'n tendens wat toeneem, soveel so dat ons pragtige kinders nie meer veilig is nie. Hulle is tog ons toekoms - maar tref dit baie swaar in ons huidige situasie. Sheldean het al die vermiste kinders 'n "gesig" gegee. Sy verteenwoordig die nuwe geslag kinders, wat ons toekoms moet wees. KOM ONS BESKERM HULLE!Daar word tans wyd en syd deur Suid-Afrika gebid, ondersteun en gehoop vir die veilige terug vind van Sheldean. Dit geld ook vir al die ander vermiste kinders.Deur hierdie bewusmakingsveldtog kan ons moontlik baie meer mense daarbuite bewus maak dat ons ook die SAP, vrywilligers en ouers van vermiste kinders ondersteun.'n Groot klomp besorgde ouers en lede van eBlockWatch (http://www.eblockwatch.co.za/) het besluit dat ons op Woensdag 28 Februarie 2007 in stille protes gaan optree deur pienk hemde en denims te dra (dieselfde kleertjies wat Sheldean aangehad het met die dag wat sy verdwyn het). Die dag was baie suksesvol, maar daar is nog baie meer ondersteuning en bewusmaking nodig rakende die saak.DUS het ons besluit om weer op Vrydag 9 Maart 2007 'n Pienk Dag te hou. Trek jou pienk hemp en denim aan om te wys jy staan op teen geweld teen kinders.Dra hierdie versoek oor aan elke moontlike persoon wat jy kan bereik deur jou e-pos, selfoon en mond tot mond.
SUPPORT RECEIVED / ONDERSTEUNERS
We know of the following schools/businesses that are supporting this day. If you are aware of any more, please let us know:Ons weet van die volgende skole/besighede wat hierdie dag ondersteun. As jy weet van enige ander, laat weet ons asseblief:SkoleTuinrand Laerskool (Sheldean se skool)Tuine Laerskool, Laerskool Danie Malan in Pretoria Noord, Centurion Akademie, Bambino Creché – Graaff-Reinet, Bambino Kleuterskool - Orkney, Anzac PrimaryBesighedeMontego Feeds in Graaff-Reinet, Kromberg & Schubart in Brits, JT Software in Centurion, Roestoff, Venter & Kruse Prokureurs in Menlo Park, Wavestone Computers in Pretoria, Rock Building Supplies - Klerksdorp, Triangular Health en Full Circle Health, Bezuidenhout, Van Zyl Prokureurs in Randburg, SAPU Makelaars, Add-sure Makelaars, Dr Samantha Gregory Attorneys, Pretoria News, Tuks FM, Steve Hofmeyer, Take 1 Media in Brakpan, Cosamu Waardeerders, Jubilee Road Nursery school, Vodashop & Vodacom 4U - Brooklyn, Iqcala Retrieval Technologies - Centurion, Amandla Itokolosi - Centurion, Raslouw Selfstorage - Centurion, Cronjé & Kie Versekeringsmakelaars - Waterkloof, Memento Enterprises, Essential Designs – Graaff-Reinet, Leopeng Plumbing & Electrical CC, Bless Eiendomme, SALGA NW, Doves Begrafnisdienste Streekkantoor, Africon Engineering International - Pretoria, Seeff Eiendomme - Centurion, Thuthuka Forestry – Piet Retief, Corporate Financial Solutions, City of Tshwane Kantore - Centurion, The Office Plant – Jhb, AMT (Agricultural Marketing Trends), Pretoria, Scheme Reporting:Triangular Health, Chelsea Civils, Port Elizabeth, Nedbank Retail, Software Testing in Sandton, Solidariteit Helpende Hand Fonds en Solidariteit, Ford Motor Company of Southern Africa and Ford Credit, Spoornet, Pretoria, Private Wealth mangement, V&R Drukkery, Peters Papers, Antalis, Randridge Business Services, TVaal Printers, Advance Printing Company, CDGS
For more up-to-date information on Sheldean, go to
Pink for Sheldean Identikits Pictures of Sheldean Pink Photos Send 'pink e-mail' to a friend Trust Details Poems Links & Downloads E-mail CommentsPienk vir Sheldean Identikits Foto's van Sheldean Pienk foto's Stuur 'pienk e-pos' aan 'n vriend Trust Besonderhede Gedigte Skakels & Dokumente E-pos Terugvoer
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