Friday, January 11, 2008

Moving to a new home... hierdie is my nuwe blog... ek kon net nie meer na Da Mario se genag

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Those dark hours of the morning…

We all have those, times when we allow our heads and hearts to run wild. I have them when little Triston wakes up for his night bottle. Sometimes in these moments, you can convince yourself that the shadows you see are real, and that they can hurt you. However, the truth is nothing can touch you if you do not care for it. Things we feel indifferent about cannot make us happy or sad or hurt… their just there.

So I embrace these shadows because they mean I care, as well as the shadows of those around me, because this means their capable of caring too. Think it trough before you decide on the truth of this. We all know people who hurt in some way or another, but do we really look to find out why they hurt. If you do not then it’s simply a matter of you don’t care. The next time you see a smile fading and it makes you hurt right along with theirs, then you know you are alive and you have a heart.

I strive for this and hope that one day my son will be able to see the feelings of others; that he will want too. Compassion is being able to set aside your personal feelings and listening to the hurt others feel regardless of you or your own feelings on the matter. Moreover, knowing that their pain might be different in many ways to the pains you have felt in your own life. Nevertheless, that does not make it less painful for them, and it should not then mean less to you.

Monday, January 7, 2008

The pursuit of happiness

I have been roaming around the blogs these past few days and find it amazing how many people have been blogging about happiness, love and so on. So here is my seeing on things…

Happiness – this is not some thing others can accomplish for you, though it is some thing they can enhance or brake down. But the happiness must be there first. In order to be happy, truly happy you need to be satisfied with yourself and your life. And yes I know this is close to the impossible… we are all unhappy about some aspects of our lives, so here is the thing… the goal is not happiness but rather the road to happiness. It’s the journey that you should find inspiring, that should make you want to get up in the morning to face the traffic of life. It a contradiction, a conundrum, but the only way one can truly be happy is to pursue happiness, to go out and make it happen.

Love – the two walk hand in hand, if you are not happy then you can not love. So if you are in the race for happiness then you are open to love. But love, I’m afraid might be even more elusive… you can love in a way that hurts and this scares us off the road to happiness. I have said it before and will say it again, falling in love is easy, but temporary. And the only way for “in love” to move to “love” is through work from all parties involved. If you don’t work at it and just leave things to go their own way then love will never truly be in your hart.

You can’t pretend happiness any more than you can pretend love, and having both is worth a few battle scars. Falling down should not mean giving up; it should mean getting up and trying harder next time round.

So me, personally, I’m going for the pot of gold, the happiness at the end of the rainbow… and those whose lives I can enhance with happiness or who can enhance mine are invited to join the ride. I won’t promise a smooth ride, or beautiful view at all times. But I will promise a hell of a lot of smiles, tears, laughter and every thing ells life has to offer.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

A fiew fun pics over the holidays...

The ghost trees...

Christmas day with family and friends...

Jumping with Triston while on holiday...

I'll put some more up later... right now its bed time and it takes to long to upload...

Geese goos??? who gives a damn

My mom and I took Triston to The Pioneers house in Pretoria today... their renovating so it wasn't much to look at, but the grass was green and the shades inviting so we staid.

Triston loved it!! They have geese (well that's what I think they are - big white "ducks" with beaks like the devil and nails at the end of their feet) and little Tris decided that these monsters look like fun... so the next time I turn my head... my son is standing right in front of four of the demons!! And their hissing at him with wings spread wide!! I run and scoop him up, but come hell or high water I'm not allowed to leave these monsters be.

So along comes granny with a bag of wild bird seed, and I think, fine... lets feed the beasts! I drop a hand full on the floor and four become 20!!!!!! I panic, grab Triston, Again, and dump the whole bag on the floor... and my dear mother laughs so hard that she nearly wets herself!! The #%&$!!

But all in all a great day!

Saturday, January 5, 2008

I want your pain...

I see your hurt and anger and it hurts and angers me. I hate not being able to sooth your hart when you feel the way you do...

I want to take your pain away, but its not my place. So what is there for me to do but be there if you need me, and be there, even if you don't.

Pain is not the right word to use... there is no right word.

Its a taste that lingers - like milk that's gone off
Its a smell you cant get out of a room - like the smell of ashtrays the morning after a party.
Its a sound that gives you goosebumps - like nails over a blackboard.
Its a sight - like seeing a woman's battered face after her husband is done doing his damage
And last of all its a feeling of never being the same again, never being able to get the taste, smell, sound or sight out of your mind.

Just thinking about it brings the hurt back... but yet we force ourselves to dwell on it constantly... its human nature.

I feel this "pain" not for the same reasons or in the same way, but I do feel it. I don't know if it will help you to know that I understand... but I hope it does. We all have our own pain to deal with, no mater how perfect other people my seem. We all know hurt in our own way, and deal with it in our own way. And it will never go away... but it will fade.

In the mean time lean on those you trust, even one true friend can make a world of difference... so call that friend, who ever it is, because you cant allow his pain to eat away at you. A true friend once told me that we never face things in life we cant handle... its good advice!

With love to my friend... may time heal your hart.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Ekke doen...

Triston has decided that he can dress himself… yes; I can see those smiles forming already!

While on holiday with the two Miss Daisies, he grew into a little boy just as stubborn and hardheaded as his mother! If I want to dress him, he sits there like a little darling giving me this arm then that arm, this leg then that leg… he then promptly hops off the bed runs round the corner and undresses himself right down to his nappy!! And beware the unwatchful woman in the house he has figured out “the bra”!!

What the hell do I do now; staple the clothes together so that he can’t undress himself?!? No, this mommy is smart…or at least I like to think so. After the 4th outfit in one morning (I can’t dress him in the same outfit as the one he just removed or he refuses to do his “this arm that arm” bid) so I use what little brains I still have in my scull after knocking my head against the wall out of frustration, and I let him choose!!

Guess what, it worked!!! He kept that outfit on for the rest of the day, but then came day number 2 and the same freedom of choice no longer works… so what the hell, we’re on holiday, he can run naked if it pleases him!!

So let’s see a quick update on the last month…

Triston turned two, and refuses to respect the fact that he is supposed to be one and a half months lagging- no, not him; he goes straight into his terrible two’s

Triston learned about opening and closing- closets, jars, makeup, toothpaste, shampoo… you get my drift don’t you?!?

Triston learned about flushing the toilet- along with half a roll of toilet paper, his toy car, some blocks and any thing ells that will fit…

Triston learned about jumping – from tables, chairs, rocks anything and every thing! As long as it’s up there and the landing takes place somewhere down here, where there are sharp edges and hell knows what ells…#^&*$#

And then the last big one, Triston learned how to delegate! Ok mate, you look a bit lost… ek self, kom hier, sit hier, nog hê, soek juice/melk/tee/kossies…als! waar is…? IT JUST DOESN’T STOP! But at least the Why? Why? Why? Why?… hasn’t started … yet?!?

And you know what’s the best part – EVERYTHING!! Just like every other stage he has gone through this is now my favorite! And I cherish every nerve-wrecking, hair-pulling, roll-on-the-floor-laughing second of it!!